Hey Y’all!
Hoping all is well in your neck of the woods!!!
I am doing phenomenal or maybe I should say FUNnomenal?!?
I guess somewhere along the way during the last 4 years I had forgotten what life felt like when the good outweighed the bad. I must say – It has been an excellent breath of fresh air getting back to that place. *taking a deep breath….. AHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh.
No amount of fun will ever make up for the horror my (and David’s) life became four years ago. With that said, David and I never let his cancer define us. It never – not once sucked the fun completely out of life. We just didn’t allow it. I’ve reached a point in my life - through my healing I suppose - that I no longer have to “fight for fun.” It just comes naturally. Effortlessly.
It wasn’t that long ago that when I caught myself having fun I felt guilty. No more of that either. The hell with it! Life is too f*cking short. Have fun and make the best of what you got. And that I proudly do. It is like my “life coach” in heaven is repeatedly shouting that in my ear (minus the F word of course).
So weather it is going NASCAR racing with my dad, dancing foolishly with co-workers on dining room tables, or a simple fire-pit with great tunes in the backyard --- I’m having fun. And it’s nice. Very nice.
The trick is --- finding someone to share my fun with me. But concentrating on that is tiring and I’ve decided to just let nature take its course. I surely don’t want to force someone on myself. That isn’t fair to anyone. They say patience is a virtue. So --- I’m gonna TRY and give it a shot (key word, TRY)!
Side note for my single shela friends on the prowl: If a guy you totally are uninterested in getting to know approaches you, remember this phrase. They will run faster than the hot fudge on a scoop of ice cream. (With the most serious face you can come up with – say) “So, tell me, do you have swimmers because I’m looking to breed.” Honest to goodness, it works every time. Used it on some ass clown last weekend. The very same ass clown that I witnessed taking off his wedding ring just before his “big approach.” Now that is classic!
Anyway, in closing --- The movie 50/50 --- GO SEE IT! I pray you never can relate to it the way I can. Just as much as I pray I never relate to it the way David could. Bottom line --- it is a must see. I went alone to the 8:15 showing Sunday night because I was hoping to sit without any close by “neighbors”. I got my wish. And for that I am eternally grateful. Good stuff!
Leaving you with a good tune --- (here) --- cause It’s fun and that’s how I like to roll these days… ;) Now where is the closest dining room table? Next time I’m charging admission to the Amy show. LOL
Good night Y’all.
Much love,
-AD-
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The Randoms...
I recently gave up Facebook and switched to Twitter full-time. I had enough of the silly game requests and pesky virus’s lurking about. I have kept my FB account active and my Twitter updates post there as well. I just don’t frequent it much if at all. But the other night I was procrastinating from laundry duties (imagine that) and I found myself checking out my own FB profile. I found a “Note” from 2009 that I found interesting.
See below:
January 29, 2009
1) I am married to an AMAZING man who has fought off Sarcoma (very rare & aggressive cancer) 5 times in less than 2 years, and continues to defy all odds daily.
2) In saying #1, I obviously believe in miracles!!! God is better than good, He’s remarkable.
3) I want to become an oncology nurse almost as much as I want to cure cancer itself.
4) My family is the most amazing bunch of, loving, caring, and supportive people I could ever ask for and I’m extremely blessed to have them!
5) I could not picture a day without my wonderful dogs, Vinnie & Libby.
6) I have spent most of my working career in an industry I have come to despise. HELP
7) I have a very old car and I could not be more OK with that. It is cheap and reliable.
8) I will never be wealthy because of my generosity. This is why David is bothered with charity phone calls all day while I’m working. Poor guy, we are poor and pestered constantly. :)
9) My most prized possession is my home because of how hard David worked to see that we have it. Did I mention he is amazing!?!
10) I wish I had more gumption to make that “prized possession” look more like a trophy house. I hate to clean!!!
11) I have a very low tolerance for petty issues. Useless drama makes me insane because unfortunately I know real drama.
12) In saying #11 I feel like I can’t be as good as a friend/family member as I once was able to be and I HATE that about myself.
13) I admit I have severe paranoia. David reminds me ALL the time.
14) I am the most sentimental person I know.
15) I can’t believe how much I have come to love NASCAR and dirt track racing.
16) I eat candy and drink Mountain Dew like it was my job – not healthy habits!!!
17) I love to cook. Breakfast and Mexican are my specialties.
18) I am a blog nut. I feel like a stalker because I follow so many people’s lives via their personal blogs that I have never met. Blogging myself has become my own personal therapy session.
19) I would like to someday write a book about embracing life and all its blessings during the darkest of times. I find the most peace within myself by staying in this mind frame.
20) I LOVE to vacation. A vacation is not a true vacation without a beach or racetrack.
21) NetFlix is WONDERFUL!
22) My feet hurt all the time, but I hear yoga toes will be the answer to my issue. We will soon see. :)
23) I LOVE to have my head rubbed. I would have my hair professionally shampooed daily if I could afford it.
24) I love candles and fresh cut flowers.
25) I LOVE to give gifts, but would personally prefer a thoughtfully picked out card than a fancy present any day.
Wow how times change!
So here is my 2011 version of 25 Randoms about Amy
1) Top 5’s --- I love my family, my dogs, my friends, music and NASCAR in that order.
2) I think the cleverest song ever written is Long Black Veil written by Danny Dill and Marijohn Wilkin, and performed best by The Dave Matthews Band (See Here). Sorry Johnny Cash. I am a HUGE fan but DMB just does it better.
3) This one is for the fellas. ;) I think (for me anyway) the best “panty dropping” song is I Wanna Make You Close Your Eyes by Dierks Bentley (See Here). I don’t know what it is about that song but… Woah… Maybe it is just Dierks cause I need to feel THAT fire. ;) Just kidding --- sorta.
4) While I’m on it… The song I get the most pleasure listening to right now (it will change tomorrow) is Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5 (See Here). And it goes like this……
5) I have seen some beautiful places in my 32 years of travels but The Cumberland Gap tops that list. (See Here) I won tickets to Bristol Motor Speedway in Bristol, TN last month. It was on the drive down I discovered this hidden treasure in Kentucky, or was it Tennessee or wait – maybe that was Virginia. I was in all three states within 5 miles. Absolutely gorgeous.
6) Dating certainly isn’t as hard as keeping a dying man alive, but it sure as hell isn’t easy either.
7) I am still the most sentimental person I know, but the sentiment of the Big Blue Money Pit (Dave’s Dodge Ram truck) is wearing off. Not that I can afford a car payment (cause I physically cannot work 3 jobs) but I just don’t want the damn thing anymore. The day I sign that hunk of metal over to its new owner will be a tough one, but that day is coming. I hope anyway.
8) Doe urine STINKS – BAD! I am not sure why I still have such a thing in my garage but I can tell you that when it spills it is gross! Neighbors – don’t be surprised if you see a 12 point buck hanging out in my driveway. I accidently lured him in. ;)
9) Speaking of hunting… I’ve been thinking of all the fall’s I used the term hunting widow. Yep --- spent many cold mornings alone in bed and then brisk afternoons helping rinse deer guts out of the bed of the money pit. That was typically followed by a nice evening “nap” cause my man knew how to smooth things over with his hunting widow. =D Anyway, there is a song about this out now and I LOVE it. Check it out (See Here) LOVE the Pistol Annies!
See below:
January 29, 2009
1) I am married to an AMAZING man who has fought off Sarcoma (very rare & aggressive cancer) 5 times in less than 2 years, and continues to defy all odds daily.
2) In saying #1, I obviously believe in miracles!!! God is better than good, He’s remarkable.
3) I want to become an oncology nurse almost as much as I want to cure cancer itself.
4) My family is the most amazing bunch of, loving, caring, and supportive people I could ever ask for and I’m extremely blessed to have them!
5) I could not picture a day without my wonderful dogs, Vinnie & Libby.
6) I have spent most of my working career in an industry I have come to despise. HELP
7) I have a very old car and I could not be more OK with that. It is cheap and reliable.
8) I will never be wealthy because of my generosity. This is why David is bothered with charity phone calls all day while I’m working. Poor guy, we are poor and pestered constantly. :)
9) My most prized possession is my home because of how hard David worked to see that we have it. Did I mention he is amazing!?!
10) I wish I had more gumption to make that “prized possession” look more like a trophy house. I hate to clean!!!
11) I have a very low tolerance for petty issues. Useless drama makes me insane because unfortunately I know real drama.
12) In saying #11 I feel like I can’t be as good as a friend/family member as I once was able to be and I HATE that about myself.
13) I admit I have severe paranoia. David reminds me ALL the time.
14) I am the most sentimental person I know.
15) I can’t believe how much I have come to love NASCAR and dirt track racing.
16) I eat candy and drink Mountain Dew like it was my job – not healthy habits!!!
17) I love to cook. Breakfast and Mexican are my specialties.
18) I am a blog nut. I feel like a stalker because I follow so many people’s lives via their personal blogs that I have never met. Blogging myself has become my own personal therapy session.
19) I would like to someday write a book about embracing life and all its blessings during the darkest of times. I find the most peace within myself by staying in this mind frame.
20) I LOVE to vacation. A vacation is not a true vacation without a beach or racetrack.
21) NetFlix is WONDERFUL!
22) My feet hurt all the time, but I hear yoga toes will be the answer to my issue. We will soon see. :)
23) I LOVE to have my head rubbed. I would have my hair professionally shampooed daily if I could afford it.
24) I love candles and fresh cut flowers.
25) I LOVE to give gifts, but would personally prefer a thoughtfully picked out card than a fancy present any day.
Wow how times change!
So here is my 2011 version of 25 Randoms about Amy
1) Top 5’s --- I love my family, my dogs, my friends, music and NASCAR in that order.
2) I think the cleverest song ever written is Long Black Veil written by Danny Dill and Marijohn Wilkin, and performed best by The Dave Matthews Band (See Here). Sorry Johnny Cash. I am a HUGE fan but DMB just does it better.
3) This one is for the fellas. ;) I think (for me anyway) the best “panty dropping” song is I Wanna Make You Close Your Eyes by Dierks Bentley (See Here). I don’t know what it is about that song but… Woah… Maybe it is just Dierks cause I need to feel THAT fire. ;) Just kidding --- sorta.
4) While I’m on it… The song I get the most pleasure listening to right now (it will change tomorrow) is Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5 (See Here). And it goes like this……
5) I have seen some beautiful places in my 32 years of travels but The Cumberland Gap tops that list. (See Here) I won tickets to Bristol Motor Speedway in Bristol, TN last month. It was on the drive down I discovered this hidden treasure in Kentucky, or was it Tennessee or wait – maybe that was Virginia. I was in all three states within 5 miles. Absolutely gorgeous.
6) Dating certainly isn’t as hard as keeping a dying man alive, but it sure as hell isn’t easy either.
7) I am still the most sentimental person I know, but the sentiment of the Big Blue Money Pit (Dave’s Dodge Ram truck) is wearing off. Not that I can afford a car payment (cause I physically cannot work 3 jobs) but I just don’t want the damn thing anymore. The day I sign that hunk of metal over to its new owner will be a tough one, but that day is coming. I hope anyway.
8) Doe urine STINKS – BAD! I am not sure why I still have such a thing in my garage but I can tell you that when it spills it is gross! Neighbors – don’t be surprised if you see a 12 point buck hanging out in my driveway. I accidently lured him in. ;)
9) Speaking of hunting… I’ve been thinking of all the fall’s I used the term hunting widow. Yep --- spent many cold mornings alone in bed and then brisk afternoons helping rinse deer guts out of the bed of the money pit. That was typically followed by a nice evening “nap” cause my man knew how to smooth things over with his hunting widow. =D Anyway, there is a song about this out now and I LOVE it. Check it out (See Here) LOVE the Pistol Annies!
10) I’ll also own the fact that I STILL find myself watching the hunting shows on The Outdoor Channel. I swear some of those guys should really do porn because the way they get off on shooting that defenseless white tail --- I can only imagine --- well you get the picture. ;)
11) Jeff Ruby makes the BEST coffee ever. Seriously. You MUST try it. It is packaged by Millstone. (Here) Its phenomenal. I get mine at the Mall Road Kroger in Florence. It’s hard to find.
12) I have epilepsy. I have had it for over 20 years now. Not many people know that. So – there it is. Welcome to “the know”.
13) Speaking of Epilepsy… I was on Depakote for 20 years treating it. Depakote is the devil. Especially on my poor teeth. In May I went to see the same Neurologist who treated Dave after he had his stroke just before he died. He is an awesome doctor. Anyway, he switched me to a new medicine and it is awesome (not to mention it works). My hair is growing like crazy! I went to the dentist on Monday and my teeth are in much better condition and they are even getting pretty and white again. THANK GOD. The coolest news is that this new med is perfectly safe for pregnancy which wasn’t the case with Depakote. I AM NOT PREGGO. It is just good to know I now can be without concern. That is if I can find a man with swimmers. =)
14) That brings me to my next point. Men – unless you are 110% sure you are A- either done having kids or B- in a relationship you know will last forever. Think twice about jumping into the big V. You’d be surprised how many single 30 something’s have been clipped. ;) I swear in my next life I am going to be a urologist. That is a big business.
15) Did you know that I can change the oil in a car, a furnace filter AND drive a track-hoe. All facts!
I swear that is me
16) With that said, I believe with 110% certainly I was meant to be a boy.
17) I think it should be illegal to have the NASCAR Nationwide Series race on Saturdays at the same time my Buckeyes are playing. Now that becomes a dilemma. So far so good.
18) I am obsessed with True Religion jeans even though I cannot afford them.
19) I think the very best smelling candle is the Saltkin & Co. Fireside candle you can find during the holidays at Bath & Body Works. I burn one all year long and stock up on them at the After Christmas Sale.
20) The Vera Wang shoes at Kohl’s are adorable and my absolute favorites. Sorry Steve Madden you are now #2 buddy!
21) I really really miss cooking. There are a few things in life I am pretty damn good at and it is a shame I don’t get to enjoy them more often.
22) I am letting my hair grow. No kidding. Hell --- I have a healthy head of hair again. I may as well enjoy it!
23) I miss summer already. I love the cooler weather and all the great sports on TV but I really really hate seeing summer go this year. I need to see a beach just one more time before the snow and ice hits….
24) I went to buy a shredder at Wal-Mart the other day. Did you know they are expensive and provide zero as is NONE enjoyment out of life. I opted for a fire pit instead --- otherwise known as “the bill burner”. Yep --- that was an excellent decision. I know --- I am a genius.
25) Last but certainly not least – Sunday Dave and I would have been married lucky 7 years. Dave was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I suspect he’ll always hold that award. So here is a song to honor that love, God Gave Me You (See Here). On my own I’m only half of what I could be. Now that is a true statement! So I still pray every day this half will become whole again.
Happy 7th ^^Love^^.
If you have hung in this long – wow. I hope you at least enjoyed yourself.
Love y’all
Amy
Friday, September 2, 2011
32 and ready for new...
In 1979 I took “Labor Day” literally and the next thing Deb & Timbo knew their twosome became a threesome. There I was… 8:48 AM on Monday September 3rd, 1979 – Labor Day.
To say I’ve been through a lot in my 32 years is a bit of an understatement. But I have no regrets. Especially throughout the years of 1998 – 2010. Those were the best even considering the tremendous loss of David. In the words of the very gorgeous widower, Mr. Gary Allan – “It’s better to have loved and lost than not at all.” And he’s right.
Although my memories are WONDERFUL – I choose not to live in the past. Today (well tomorrow technically) I’m 32 and ready for new. I know David wants that for me. I spent 12 years trying to please him and I am not about to stop now.
I am healed. I used to refer to myself as broken goods. Now – I’m refurbished. Good as new. Maybe even better than new as now I see the word in a different light. My appreciation for life in general is so much greater and I take so little for granite. And that is something I am proud of.
Even Libby (my female Black and Tan/Beagle mix) is better. Libby was her Daddy’s dog. His Lady Bird. She could give two $hits about her Momma. Her world revolved around Daddy David. And from the moment her daddy was assisted out of the house for the last time her world was never the same. And just the other night as I got home from my 13 hour work day she did this… (Please forgive the horrible one eyed self portrait. I had worked all day).
I received a little Libby lovin’ and that NEVER happens to me. Her Daddy on the other hand got ALL KINDS of Libby lovin’. Me –not so much. Until now… Maybe just maybe Libby is healing too?
I received a little Libby lovin’ and that NEVER happens to me. Her Daddy on the other hand got ALL KINDS of Libby lovin’. Me –not so much. Until now… Maybe just maybe Libby is healing too?
In a nutshell --- someone briefly woke up the old Amy, and getting a taste of the “old me” was all it took. I feel alive again and it is a wonderful feeling. And for this, I’ve got a really cool person to thank. For that – for him – I’m eternally grateful.
And to follow that up --- for all the curious types out there. No – I am NOT dating anyone and I will NOT be sharing that “taste of Amy” story. I have made so much of my life an open book and some things I’d like to keep private. Just a few. ;)
So I’m off to celebrate my Birthday weekend. I actually get a THREE day weekend.
What do I want for my birthday????
What do I want for my birthday????
Let’s see…
A tall handsome unattached man with “swimmers” ;) and a win from my favorite driver #2, Elliott Sadler. That’s not a lot really – right!?! =D
Happy Labor Day folks!
Love,
Amy
Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock (please excuse that – it’s just the sound of my biological clock.) ;)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Funny how a melody sounds like a memory...
Hey Y'all,
Hope things are good with you.
Between my non-stop work schedule and my insomnia I'm kicking my own ass these days.
I haven't had much time to compile many thoughts into anything that would even resemble an entry worthy of posting.
I am still working on a follow-up to the golf outing. I took at little racing vacation (as noted here) and then Josh took a much deserved trip to Florida. So as soon as he and I nail down all the final numbers, I'll be sure and get the details posted. Stay tuned for that!
I cannot help but to think about what I would be doing this weekend for what would have/should have been David's 35th birthday. I remember his 30th like it was yesterday. I was SO excited for him. I always looked for any and all reasons to make him feel special. And I am so thrilled I had the opportunity to do just that so many times. I now fully accept that it wasn't in the cards for him to live out a nice long and happy life with me until we were "blue hairs" and drift off into the sunset together. I still don't have to like it, but accepting it has helped carrying on without him much easier. Healing is a wonderful feeling. Would I change things??? Hell yes, in a heartbeat. But changing his death isn't an option. Living a life he wanted for me is, and this is just what I am doing.
But today - this weekend - I honor him.
Just the way I like to remember him best. HEALTHY…
Hope things are good with you.
Between my non-stop work schedule and my insomnia I'm kicking my own ass these days.
I haven't had much time to compile many thoughts into anything that would even resemble an entry worthy of posting.
I am still working on a follow-up to the golf outing. I took at little racing vacation (as noted here) and then Josh took a much deserved trip to Florida. So as soon as he and I nail down all the final numbers, I'll be sure and get the details posted. Stay tuned for that!
I cannot help but to think about what I would be doing this weekend for what would have/should have been David's 35th birthday. I remember his 30th like it was yesterday. I was SO excited for him. I always looked for any and all reasons to make him feel special. And I am so thrilled I had the opportunity to do just that so many times. I now fully accept that it wasn't in the cards for him to live out a nice long and happy life with me until we were "blue hairs" and drift off into the sunset together. I still don't have to like it, but accepting it has helped carrying on without him much easier. Healing is a wonderful feeling. Would I change things??? Hell yes, in a heartbeat. But changing his death isn't an option. Living a life he wanted for me is, and this is just what I am doing.
But today - this weekend - I honor him.
Just the way I like to remember him best. HEALTHY…
Happy 35th love.David Dearinger
8/20/1976 ~ 3/12/2010
Have a great weekend all.
Enjoy a Bud Light or 12 for ^^him^^. He’d like that…
Amy
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
A weekend for the memory books…
Hey Y’all.
I got to spend this last weekend with my sister, Lauren.
Tyler is training to serve our country now (Thank you Tyler!!!), and Lauren is missing him terribly. Relating to that feeling 110% I decided that she and I should get away on our first ever girl trip. Lauren decided (no lie) that she’d like to FINALLY check out this NASCAR thing since I’ve made a huge deal over it for most of her life. The next thing I knew we were INDY bound baby!
As you can see – she fit right in. Her Facebook status was this after just one day’s worth: My sister managed to do it… I love this racin’ stuff. Just like her love of tall men – she’s just like me in many ways. I’m so proud! ;)
We met the nicest Hoosiers while we were there. We tailgated with them both days. They were so kind. They even kept us well fed. I love NASCAR! You can only find people that kind in this sport! Thanks again guys!!!
I hope you all are doing well.
Sorry for the break in blogging. I’ve just been too busy to sit down and compose anything worth reading. As a matter of fact… I’m still struggling to come up with the words to do the past month justice.
(Stay tuned for a write up of The David Dearinger Memorial, Swinging for Sarcoma Charity Golf Outing).
So --- how about what’s freshest on my brain???
I got to spend this last weekend with my sister, Lauren.
And it was FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!
Lauren’s studly boyfriend is in The National Guard.
Tyler is training to serve our country now (Thank you Tyler!!!), and Lauren is missing him terribly. Relating to that feeling 110% I decided that she and I should get away on our first ever girl trip. Lauren decided (no lie) that she’d like to FINALLY check out this NASCAR thing since I’ve made a huge deal over it for most of her life. The next thing I knew we were INDY bound baby!
(Rooting on the #2 truck and car)
As you can see – she fit right in. Her Facebook status was this after just one day’s worth: My sister managed to do it… I love this racin’ stuff. Just like her love of tall men – she’s just like me in many ways. I’m so proud! ;)
We met the nicest Hoosiers while we were there. We tailgated with them both days. They were so kind. They even kept us well fed. I love NASCAR! You can only find people that kind in this sport! Thanks again guys!!!
After mentioning that we were 9.5 years apart, one of then asked which one of us were older! WOW did that make me feel good! REAL GOOD!
Then I caught myself gawking at this smokin’ hot driver, Brian Scott.
Yeah – he’s 23. Now I feel old again. WOOPS! Nice though right!
I cannot figure why I am drawn to the drivers with the worst luck. Maybe it’s because I can relate so well? Anyway, Brian and my longtime fav Elliott Sadler both are well known for their bad luck. You know, like this…
This is E.S. hovering over his freshly wrecked car after his qualifying attempt. He more than made up for it during the race only to have his bad luck strike again right at the end. As Dave would say, “Ain’t that the kick in the dick!” Yep honey, it sure is. Dave used to say all the time that Elliott (being also his favorite driver) had his luck --- none at all. Still holding true to that… Maybe next time!?! Here is hoping!!!!
Anyway, after a amazing weekend away at the races with my sister I am back home to reality. =/ Blahhh!!! Lauren says she is ready to go again though! Anybody up for a road trip to Bristol, TN at the end of the month? ;) We are!
Have a good one all!
Amy
Monday, July 25, 2011
Saving Amy by Brantley Gilbert with lyrics on screen
Thanks Lauren for sharing this song.
I LOVE it --- And you....
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Fix You...
Life is so funny sometimes. I am so completely full of mixed emotions these days. Saturday I almost stayed home by myself instead of going to a party hosted by a beautiful young couple who are about to be parents for the first time. I almost stayed home simply because of how bad it hurts seeing them have the life I have dreamt of for YEARS. How silly right!?! I could not be more thrilled for this little couple. They are so ready and so deserving.
Although seeing them and many of their friends living the life I want stings a bit, I am glad I went. And instead of crying private tears as I walk into my lonely home that evening I felt hopeful. I felt encouraged that one day I could be living that life I want so badly as well. And I am thankful to have great examples such as this couple to guide me in my journey. So congratulations T & D. I cannot wait to meet baby BOY (my guess) H!
In a nutshell – this healing process isn’t quick or easy but it does feel good.
With love,
The encouraged -Amy-
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Driving it home...
Hey guys! Happy Hump day!!!
I’m straying away from my typical post today and “driving home” a message near and dear to my heart.
I’m straying away from my typical post today and “driving home” a message near and dear to my heart.
Friday is the final day to get registered for The David Dearinger Memorial, Swinging for Sarcoma Charity Golf Outing. Note: Late registrations will be accepted however your gift bag may not include the same items as the participants who registered by July 1st.
2009 was the first year this event was held. This was David’s “baby”. He loved golf, he loved Boone Links and above all he loved helping people. He hated sarcoma and the life it stole from him. But what he hated even more is the life it stole from others. And this is true. I haven’t kept David’s selflessness a secret on this blog so I’m sure that comes as no shock to you. That year we had 144 golfers and 22 more join us for dinner. We used almost every golf cart the course owned and literally drank them out of beer. We were a large united front all there for David ensuring that he mark his giant footprint into the path leading to a cure for sarcoma.
Last year was a lot different. I was sad and uninspired. Although I am grateful we held the event in 2010, I did little to see it be the success David dreamed for. Last year we had just 44 participants. And to those 44 --- THANK YOU! Almost every one of you is returning for 2011 and that is WONDERFUL!!! I promise to those returning that you will be pleased with the improvements.
With that said, my inspiration is back. Let’s do this friends!!! I guess I am begging for your support. For Dave – begging is certainly not beneath me. To this day there isn’t anything I won’t do for him.
This year we already have several more golfers than in 2010. (A BIG thank you to those who have already registered!) Not to mention – this year is truly the best year yet thanks to the AMAZING Josh Davis and Steve Cooper. The golf entry fee is same as last year. $90.00 includes a $25.00 donation to The Liddy Shriver Sarcoma Initiative, 18 holes of golf, golf cart, lunch, dinner, beverages (including draft beer), gift bag, door prizes, Sarcoma Knows No Borders bracelet, a chance at $10,000 hole-in- one prize, and a whole lot more! Talk about getting a big bang for your buck!
Just in case you need a little reassurance…
* 18 hole of golf + a cart at Boone Links is $40.00
* Estimated lunch, dinner and drinks (including draft beer) is $25.00
* Your charitable (tax deductible) donation to The Liddy Shriver Sarcoma Initiative = $25.00
That is a full days worth of fun – food – beverages and a good deed folks all for $90.00!
If golf isn’t your thing but you would like to join in the after scramble festivities you are welcome to do so. Dinner and beverage only registrations are available for just $25.00.
Golfers have an opportunity to win $10,000 at the hole-in-one competition and everyone can purchase a raffle ticket (1 ticket for $5 or 3 tickets for $10) to win a 42” Class 1080P LCD HD TV worth $699.00 and much much more! I don’t want to spoil all the surprises. =D
With that said, please get registered today!
Registrations can be completed online at (this link) or you may click (this link) to print off, complete and mail in your registration.
Thank YOU for your consideration and helping me live out David’s dream of a sarcoma free world in his memory.
With hope,
Amy
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
What I miss…
What I miss about being in love with my best friend:
Before I jump right into this I want to first state that I will ALWAYS be in love with David. Always. I believe that is the most challenging part about moving on with another potential love. It is a lot to ask someone to accept that I never fell out of love with my first husband and that he will always “own” a part of my heart. It would take a very strong, confident, compassionate and loving guy to accept that. And let’s face it… at 32 – MOST (I pray not all) of those guys are happily settled down in a wonderful relationship.
So here I am. Alone.
And being alone can easily turn to misery for a girl like me. I have the BEST friends and family in the world. Truly remarkable! But I need more.
David and I were BEST friends who happened to be 110% compatible intimately. And this my friends was by far the GREATEST combination.
And I miss that…
So so much!
I miss never being self-conscious because I knew I had someone at home that loved me no matter what. I could have had bed head, no makeup on, dark circles under the eyes and cellulite and he LOVED me that way. He loved me all fancied up and cute and he also loved me all Kim Kardashian ugly cry faced (oh yeah – I have one of those U-G-L-Y cry faces). That kind of unconditional love and adoration is about the best feeling in the world to have. I am SO grateful to have had that for 13 fantastic years.
The idea of wearing uncomfortable, sexy underwear and reapplying makeup frequently makes me cringe. Don’t get me wrong – feeling good about my appearance is important to me now that I have time for such things. But being reliant on that is horrible. I don’t want someone to love me because my makeup is just perfect, my boobs perky and my love handles are gone. I want someone to admire me the way David did. To care more about what is on the inside of me rather than the outside and yet be proud of who I am both inside and out.
Seriously --- I realize beggars cannot be choosy and pickins’ are slim. Not to mention my “package” is far from perfect that I’m offering. It’s just that I have come from an immensely great relationship and settling for less than that isn’t an option. Not if I want to be wholly happy and available to offer myself completely as I did with David. There is just no room for self-consciousness. None whatsoever.
So in a nutshell --- my daily wearing of the thong underwear is LONG over with and I'd love for someone special to be just as comfortable with me as I am (or more so even such as the case was with Dave). Yeah – he was THAT great!
If I had to pick one thing I miss most about myself after losing David it would have to be confidence. He made me feel like a rock star. I was his trophy wife in granny panties and all. ;) I pray someday I feel that special again… (Sooner rather than later would be preferred) =D
So – what do you miss most about a better time of your life?
I’m hoping you cannot think of a single thing friend, but if you can --- I encourage you to do all you can to get back to that point. Have hope. I do.
Before I jump right into this I want to first state that I will ALWAYS be in love with David. Always. I believe that is the most challenging part about moving on with another potential love. It is a lot to ask someone to accept that I never fell out of love with my first husband and that he will always “own” a part of my heart. It would take a very strong, confident, compassionate and loving guy to accept that. And let’s face it… at 32 – MOST (I pray not all) of those guys are happily settled down in a wonderful relationship.
So here I am. Alone.
And being alone can easily turn to misery for a girl like me. I have the BEST friends and family in the world. Truly remarkable! But I need more.
David and I were BEST friends who happened to be 110% compatible intimately. And this my friends was by far the GREATEST combination.
And I miss that…
So so much!
I miss never being self-conscious because I knew I had someone at home that loved me no matter what. I could have had bed head, no makeup on, dark circles under the eyes and cellulite and he LOVED me that way. He loved me all fancied up and cute and he also loved me all Kim Kardashian ugly cry faced (oh yeah – I have one of those U-G-L-Y cry faces). That kind of unconditional love and adoration is about the best feeling in the world to have. I am SO grateful to have had that for 13 fantastic years.
The idea of wearing uncomfortable, sexy underwear and reapplying makeup frequently makes me cringe. Don’t get me wrong – feeling good about my appearance is important to me now that I have time for such things. But being reliant on that is horrible. I don’t want someone to love me because my makeup is just perfect, my boobs perky and my love handles are gone. I want someone to admire me the way David did. To care more about what is on the inside of me rather than the outside and yet be proud of who I am both inside and out.
Seriously --- I realize beggars cannot be choosy and pickins’ are slim. Not to mention my “package” is far from perfect that I’m offering. It’s just that I have come from an immensely great relationship and settling for less than that isn’t an option. Not if I want to be wholly happy and available to offer myself completely as I did with David. There is just no room for self-consciousness. None whatsoever.
So in a nutshell --- my daily wearing of the thong underwear is LONG over with and I'd love for someone special to be just as comfortable with me as I am (or more so even such as the case was with Dave). Yeah – he was THAT great!
If I had to pick one thing I miss most about myself after losing David it would have to be confidence. He made me feel like a rock star. I was his trophy wife in granny panties and all. ;) I pray someday I feel that special again… (Sooner rather than later would be preferred) =D
So – what do you miss most about a better time of your life?
I’m hoping you cannot think of a single thing friend, but if you can --- I encourage you to do all you can to get back to that point. Have hope. I do.
Love ya’s,
-A-
Friday, June 3, 2011
Hall of Fame/Hall of Shame
Hello all.
Welcome welcome weekend! Is it just me or has this been the longest short week ever!?!
This post is inspired by one of the most amazing sarcoma patients I have ever “known”.
Because the unfortunate fact is that EVERYONE will somehow in some way at sometime be affected by cancer --- this article by Jennifer Goodman Lynn is a MUST read. I cannot wait for her book to be released!
So, here is my chance to make note of David and my hall of fame “I know you mean well but…” stories.
Fortunately this is something David and I talked/joked about all the time. He would classify people in two ways. Those who “get it” and those who just DON’T.
Being his voice, here is what he would list as his top “I know you mean well but…” story…
August 2009 – While at a family get-together celebrating a birthday (not his) a certain someone that shares his same D.D. initials looks at him after he had been receiving chemo for just over a month and thoughtlessly and carelessly asks him if he had just got a haircut after noticing his then bald head. God’s honest – swear on a bible truth. I was dumbfounded and appalled and therefore have no recollection of what his response was. I do however remember exactly how this made him feel as that was the discussion on the ride home that afternoon. Needless to say, the phrase, “It’s pretty obvious how little my illness and wellbeing runs through her mind” were used. And there I was for the millionth time serving as his live-in Band-Aid patching up that completely unnecessary wound.
But on a MUCH lighter note: The very best story which was shared already in his CaringBridge journal but I will share it once again here…
March 4, 2010 (8 days before his death) --- Thursday is an unusual day for us to be at Dr. Mannion’s office. Thursday is Dr. M’s day to work at the Hyde Park, Ohio office. We were only there because David needed treatment of his severe dehydration. SO – we met new people. There was a “mid-forty’s” I’d say couple, and the husband battles Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He was very friendly and extremely saddened to hear of David’s 3 year struggles, and even more so – the prognosis. David was done with his fluids before this gentleman was done with his chemotherapy. As we were leaving, I went to the other side of the room to get David’s walker. You see, today was the first day David used his walker in public. He’s rocked his pimp cane, but the walker was just too much for him. Today, without a choice – he swallowed his pride. I guess the wife could read David’s humiliation all over his face. She looked up at him from her supportive seat next to her husband and said “everyone needs an iron horse to lean on now and again.” I don’t even know what her name is, but that women made my day, and I’m sure his as well. She falls into the “get it” category David talks about all the time. To that woman from today – God bless you! I bet David will never again have that same look of humiliation on his face while reaching out for his “iron horse.” I have you to thank for that! THANK YOU!
I still get tears in my eyes thinking of that precious moment. Yes my love – She “get’s it”…
As for me – here is my top “I know you mean well but…” story.
The week of March 22nd, 2010 (my first week back to work after David’s death) --- An old colleague paid me a visit to check on me. We talked briefly about Dave’s life, his hard-fought battle, and the tragedy of his death. What came next will be something I will never forget. He looked at me and said, “Aim, don’t shut yourself off from another love. You are young and you need to get back out there.” Although what he said was factual (as I now see) his timing could not be more inappropriate. I literally wanted to poke his eyes out at that moment!!!
As for my best moment… (Grab a tissue)
Tuesday evening March 9th, 2010 (the calm before the storm day) --- My Dad pulls up at the front entrance of the hospital after taking care of my dogs and rooting thru my underwear drawer (which we all know he HATED doing) while packing me a bag. By this time it was evident my stay at the hospital was unfortunately going to last the duration of David’s life. I then go out to meet him as David had a very busy day full of visitors, stories and laughter. He was exhausted and sleeping soundly so Dad didn’t come up. Dad got out of his truck acting noticeably different. He was full of supportive looks and gestures but my dad being his quiet self couldn’t find the words to say what was on his mind. All he could manage to say was, “do you know the Sugarland song called “Fall into me”? I didn’t. He then said that he wanted me to listen to it and remember I don’t have to do this all alone. He was there.
There are very few things in this world that I enjoy more than music, so that day there wasn’t anything better Daddy Timbo could say.
So for all my friends and family --- You are not alone in your struggles either, fall into me…
Have a great weekend all,
With love,
Amy
Welcome welcome weekend! Is it just me or has this been the longest short week ever!?!
This post is inspired by one of the most amazing sarcoma patients I have ever “known”.
Because the unfortunate fact is that EVERYONE will somehow in some way at sometime be affected by cancer --- this article by Jennifer Goodman Lynn is a MUST read. I cannot wait for her book to be released!
So, here is my chance to make note of David and my hall of fame “I know you mean well but…” stories.
Fortunately this is something David and I talked/joked about all the time. He would classify people in two ways. Those who “get it” and those who just DON’T.
Being his voice, here is what he would list as his top “I know you mean well but…” story…
August 2009 – While at a family get-together celebrating a birthday (not his) a certain someone that shares his same D.D. initials looks at him after he had been receiving chemo for just over a month and thoughtlessly and carelessly asks him if he had just got a haircut after noticing his then bald head. God’s honest – swear on a bible truth. I was dumbfounded and appalled and therefore have no recollection of what his response was. I do however remember exactly how this made him feel as that was the discussion on the ride home that afternoon. Needless to say, the phrase, “It’s pretty obvious how little my illness and wellbeing runs through her mind” were used. And there I was for the millionth time serving as his live-in Band-Aid patching up that completely unnecessary wound.
But on a MUCH lighter note: The very best story which was shared already in his CaringBridge journal but I will share it once again here…
March 4, 2010 (8 days before his death) --- Thursday is an unusual day for us to be at Dr. Mannion’s office. Thursday is Dr. M’s day to work at the Hyde Park, Ohio office. We were only there because David needed treatment of his severe dehydration. SO – we met new people. There was a “mid-forty’s” I’d say couple, and the husband battles Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He was very friendly and extremely saddened to hear of David’s 3 year struggles, and even more so – the prognosis. David was done with his fluids before this gentleman was done with his chemotherapy. As we were leaving, I went to the other side of the room to get David’s walker. You see, today was the first day David used his walker in public. He’s rocked his pimp cane, but the walker was just too much for him. Today, without a choice – he swallowed his pride. I guess the wife could read David’s humiliation all over his face. She looked up at him from her supportive seat next to her husband and said “everyone needs an iron horse to lean on now and again.” I don’t even know what her name is, but that women made my day, and I’m sure his as well. She falls into the “get it” category David talks about all the time. To that woman from today – God bless you! I bet David will never again have that same look of humiliation on his face while reaching out for his “iron horse.” I have you to thank for that! THANK YOU!
I still get tears in my eyes thinking of that precious moment. Yes my love – She “get’s it”…
As for me – here is my top “I know you mean well but…” story.
The week of March 22nd, 2010 (my first week back to work after David’s death) --- An old colleague paid me a visit to check on me. We talked briefly about Dave’s life, his hard-fought battle, and the tragedy of his death. What came next will be something I will never forget. He looked at me and said, “Aim, don’t shut yourself off from another love. You are young and you need to get back out there.” Although what he said was factual (as I now see) his timing could not be more inappropriate. I literally wanted to poke his eyes out at that moment!!!
As for my best moment… (Grab a tissue)
Tuesday evening March 9th, 2010 (the calm before the storm day) --- My Dad pulls up at the front entrance of the hospital after taking care of my dogs and rooting thru my underwear drawer (which we all know he HATED doing) while packing me a bag. By this time it was evident my stay at the hospital was unfortunately going to last the duration of David’s life. I then go out to meet him as David had a very busy day full of visitors, stories and laughter. He was exhausted and sleeping soundly so Dad didn’t come up. Dad got out of his truck acting noticeably different. He was full of supportive looks and gestures but my dad being his quiet self couldn’t find the words to say what was on his mind. All he could manage to say was, “do you know the Sugarland song called “Fall into me”? I didn’t. He then said that he wanted me to listen to it and remember I don’t have to do this all alone. He was there.
There are very few things in this world that I enjoy more than music, so that day there wasn’t anything better Daddy Timbo could say.
So for all my friends and family --- You are not alone in your struggles either, fall into me…
Have a great weekend all,
With love,
Amy
Sunday, May 22, 2011
There is nothing like forgiveness to resurrect the soul…
I’m back.
It was FUN!!!
So --- with that said, I shall not go any further into this entry without thanking my amazingly generous parents for treating me to such a trip. Have I mentioned I hit the parent lottery?!?
I had a blast --- gained 5 pounds. No kidding.
I ate and drank and drank and ate. I tanned and swam and swam and tanned. Most of all --- I smiled and laughed and laughed and smiled.
And now I am home…
Don’t get me wrong --- there isn’t many things that can compare to the unconditional love two dogs show you after a week’s worth of your absence. Truly a “feel good” feeling. But --- as I said, if my dogs’ love could get it for me I’d be set for life.
I drove most of the way home yesterday. That is a lot of driving, but the control freak in me (which is a newfound issue I completely blame on cancer) doesn’t mind being behind the wheel rather than the backseat driver.
Anyway, all the “road time” leaves your mind with a lot of opportunity to think. And that is just what I did. I decided that rather than feeling sorry for myself I’d do something about my unhappiness. Don’t get me wrong --- it isn’t like I can snap my fingers and make everything better. Let’s face it --- I would have used that trick 4+ years ago! But --- sitting around all frowned faced isn’t gonna do a damn thing to help either.
I’m nearly 32 years old and I’m miserable. I own a tiny house that most months I struggle to afford. I have two oil drinking rust-buckets in the driveway (both without operating air-conditioning) and cannot even think about affording a new vehicle. Oh – and my career. Yep – I sell (using the word sell loosely) the stuff that is thought to have caused my late husband’s cancer. When I say sell --- well I am an “order taker” who knows a little something about growing grass. Wow. That obviously isn’t cutting it (no pun intended) cause I obviously have a cash flow issue.
And as shitty as all that reads --- it’s nothing new. I have had most of those hang-ups for over four years now. The difference NOW being is that I wasn’t alone. Those weren’t just MY issues. They were OUR issues. And together everything was tolerable.
So what now --- sit around feeling sorry for myself? Uhhhh… HELL NO!
I must do something about it. There are no other choices. I need direction. I need God. I need a path to happiness. I am the LAST person to ask for help. I have a pride issue much like David did. I prefer to figure things out on my own. But maybe – just maybe that is my problem?!? Maybe I need a little more God in my life? I know I am a whole lot less pissed at Him these days. As a matter of fact – I carry no resentment toward Him at all. I don’t have to like God’s plan but I do have to trust in it. And I do.
So --- Big Guy… This is me submitting my stubborn self to You. I give. You are the Boss. I get it. I’m not pleading for miracles anymore. I just ask for direction in my life to achieve the happiness I feel I deserve. So I guess I’m placing an order. I’m not picky. You know me. I want another loving husband and at least one child and I’m hoping this is in Your plan for me. I don’t care a thing about money. I love my little house and I usually love my cheep ole rusty car but when it feels a little less like a HOT BOX as it does in the HOT-HUMID summer months. I just want an informal little life with a happy family rich in faith and love alone. So – please pave the path. I am putting on my hiking boots and am ready to follow. Thank You and Amen…
And thank you to my fellow sarcoma widow friend, Jess who always inspires me (like this) to reach into my bruised faith and set aside the pain and hurt I’ve felt for so long now. Jess, you are amazing and although I HATE why our lives have connected, I am extremely thankful that they have.
Back to reality folks. The alarm is set and I’ll be back to order taking in the AM. That is if one of the rust-buckets will get me there. ;)
And thankfully --- now that I’ve gotten all that out, it’s feeling a bit better to be home.
Oh – and God, this one’s for you…
Love to all…
-Amy-
It was FUN!!!
So --- with that said, I shall not go any further into this entry without thanking my amazingly generous parents for treating me to such a trip. Have I mentioned I hit the parent lottery?!?
I had a blast --- gained 5 pounds. No kidding.
I ate and drank and drank and ate. I tanned and swam and swam and tanned. Most of all --- I smiled and laughed and laughed and smiled.
And now I am home…
Don’t get me wrong --- there isn’t many things that can compare to the unconditional love two dogs show you after a week’s worth of your absence. Truly a “feel good” feeling. But --- as I said, if my dogs’ love could get it for me I’d be set for life.
I drove most of the way home yesterday. That is a lot of driving, but the control freak in me (which is a newfound issue I completely blame on cancer) doesn’t mind being behind the wheel rather than the backseat driver.
Anyway, all the “road time” leaves your mind with a lot of opportunity to think. And that is just what I did. I decided that rather than feeling sorry for myself I’d do something about my unhappiness. Don’t get me wrong --- it isn’t like I can snap my fingers and make everything better. Let’s face it --- I would have used that trick 4+ years ago! But --- sitting around all frowned faced isn’t gonna do a damn thing to help either.
I’m nearly 32 years old and I’m miserable. I own a tiny house that most months I struggle to afford. I have two oil drinking rust-buckets in the driveway (both without operating air-conditioning) and cannot even think about affording a new vehicle. Oh – and my career. Yep – I sell (using the word sell loosely) the stuff that is thought to have caused my late husband’s cancer. When I say sell --- well I am an “order taker” who knows a little something about growing grass. Wow. That obviously isn’t cutting it (no pun intended) cause I obviously have a cash flow issue.
And as shitty as all that reads --- it’s nothing new. I have had most of those hang-ups for over four years now. The difference NOW being is that I wasn’t alone. Those weren’t just MY issues. They were OUR issues. And together everything was tolerable.
So what now --- sit around feeling sorry for myself? Uhhhh… HELL NO!
I must do something about it. There are no other choices. I need direction. I need God. I need a path to happiness. I am the LAST person to ask for help. I have a pride issue much like David did. I prefer to figure things out on my own. But maybe – just maybe that is my problem?!? Maybe I need a little more God in my life? I know I am a whole lot less pissed at Him these days. As a matter of fact – I carry no resentment toward Him at all. I don’t have to like God’s plan but I do have to trust in it. And I do.
So --- Big Guy… This is me submitting my stubborn self to You. I give. You are the Boss. I get it. I’m not pleading for miracles anymore. I just ask for direction in my life to achieve the happiness I feel I deserve. So I guess I’m placing an order. I’m not picky. You know me. I want another loving husband and at least one child and I’m hoping this is in Your plan for me. I don’t care a thing about money. I love my little house and I usually love my cheep ole rusty car but when it feels a little less like a HOT BOX as it does in the HOT-HUMID summer months. I just want an informal little life with a happy family rich in faith and love alone. So – please pave the path. I am putting on my hiking boots and am ready to follow. Thank You and Amen…
And thank you to my fellow sarcoma widow friend, Jess who always inspires me (like this) to reach into my bruised faith and set aside the pain and hurt I’ve felt for so long now. Jess, you are amazing and although I HATE why our lives have connected, I am extremely thankful that they have.
Back to reality folks. The alarm is set and I’ll be back to order taking in the AM. That is if one of the rust-buckets will get me there. ;)
And thankfully --- now that I’ve gotten all that out, it’s feeling a bit better to be home.
Oh – and God, this one’s for you…
Love to all…
-Amy-
Friday, May 20th --- Destin, FL
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Indecisive me...
I have noticed a pattern, and I am not so sure this pattern is a healthy one or maybe it is simply typical for the suddenly widowed 30+ year old. Either way, I just need to figure this out --- for my sanity sake if nothing else.
As if you cannot tell from my blog entries, I’m all over the sinking place.
One day all I want to do is stare at David’s pictures and listen to our music, and the next day I want to set the pictures safely out of sight, put on the push-up bra and an extra coat of mascara in hopes to help find a new man to share my heart. (Side note – I DO NOT want a man who likes me just because I have nice boobs and particularly long eyelashes. --- Just sayin)
The bottom line - as the beautiful Katy Perry would say…
I’m hot then I’m cold
I’m yes then I’m no
I’m in then I’m out
I’m up then I’m down
My life has been nothing less than a rollercoaster for four + years now. Needless to say – I want off!
But leaving David’s photos in the drawer and glancing at the attractive 6 + foot tall (hopefully single) man a solitary second longer than normal leaves me feeling guilty. It is complete self torture whether I attempt to find a new guy or completely shut myself off to the idea in general. SERIOUSLY – what the heck!?! I knew being a widow wouldn’t be easy, but I am over the “damned if I do – damned if I don’t” scenario. (As I pat myself on the back) I deserve better!!!!!!!!! And the truth is – I WANT better.
It is not just the biological clock thing or the fact I’ve been forced into doing laundry, or that there is no one to fetch me a new roll of toilet paper. It is the fact that I want someone to be the center of my universe again, and I want to be the center of some else’s universe again, and together I want to create a life (or lives) that become OUR universe and WE become THEIRS. I want the happy family. The dysfunctional and yet functional F-A-M-I-L-Y I have always dreamed of. Because (as I pat myself on the back again) I deserve it, and my parents deserve to be grandparents, and my sister deserves to be an aunt. Because I know in my heart it is who I was destined to be, and I am SO excited to become that person I can hardly stand it --- widow guilt and all.
I know what it is like to be just that happy. To have your life on that flat track where everything is moving slow and steady and there is nothing ahead but great opportunities and chances to achieve all your hopes and desires. Then suddenly you hit that dip of the rollercoaster and I just cannot seem to jump the hell off! Cancer keeps winning and I am WAY to strong and stubborn to allow that.
And so it begins. I leave for vacation in two days and THIS time I am GOING to have a good time (rather than last May when I HATED everything to do with it and had to fake it for my family in order to not appear ungrateful)!!! And when I return – It’s on!!! I am going to find the flat tracks again and jump onboard. Now…I just need the riding partner. ;)
Before I close – I just have to say THANKS to those allowing me this vacation. 1st Mom and Dad for footing the bill (otherwise I wouldn’t be going) and 2nd to A. and C. for taking care of my house and dogs while I’m away. (Did you catch that all you bad people??? My house will NOT be left unattended for you to come thieve!)
Have a good one all! I’ll be back with a full report and a rested mind and body the 23rd.
Love ya,
Amy
P.S. – To Gym buddy: I miss you guys! We need to catch up!!! See you the 23rd??? I wanna know how your special Friday went. =D
As if you cannot tell from my blog entries, I’m all over the sinking place.
One day all I want to do is stare at David’s pictures and listen to our music, and the next day I want to set the pictures safely out of sight, put on the push-up bra and an extra coat of mascara in hopes to help find a new man to share my heart. (Side note – I DO NOT want a man who likes me just because I have nice boobs and particularly long eyelashes. --- Just sayin)
The bottom line - as the beautiful Katy Perry would say…
I’m hot then I’m cold
I’m yes then I’m no
I’m in then I’m out
I’m up then I’m down
My life has been nothing less than a rollercoaster for four + years now. Needless to say – I want off!
But leaving David’s photos in the drawer and glancing at the attractive 6 + foot tall (hopefully single) man a solitary second longer than normal leaves me feeling guilty. It is complete self torture whether I attempt to find a new guy or completely shut myself off to the idea in general. SERIOUSLY – what the heck!?! I knew being a widow wouldn’t be easy, but I am over the “damned if I do – damned if I don’t” scenario. (As I pat myself on the back) I deserve better!!!!!!!!! And the truth is – I WANT better.
It is not just the biological clock thing or the fact I’ve been forced into doing laundry, or that there is no one to fetch me a new roll of toilet paper. It is the fact that I want someone to be the center of my universe again, and I want to be the center of some else’s universe again, and together I want to create a life (or lives) that become OUR universe and WE become THEIRS. I want the happy family. The dysfunctional and yet functional F-A-M-I-L-Y I have always dreamed of. Because (as I pat myself on the back again) I deserve it, and my parents deserve to be grandparents, and my sister deserves to be an aunt. Because I know in my heart it is who I was destined to be, and I am SO excited to become that person I can hardly stand it --- widow guilt and all.
I know what it is like to be just that happy. To have your life on that flat track where everything is moving slow and steady and there is nothing ahead but great opportunities and chances to achieve all your hopes and desires. Then suddenly you hit that dip of the rollercoaster and I just cannot seem to jump the hell off! Cancer keeps winning and I am WAY to strong and stubborn to allow that.
And so it begins. I leave for vacation in two days and THIS time I am GOING to have a good time (rather than last May when I HATED everything to do with it and had to fake it for my family in order to not appear ungrateful)!!! And when I return – It’s on!!! I am going to find the flat tracks again and jump onboard. Now…I just need the riding partner. ;)
Before I close – I just have to say THANKS to those allowing me this vacation. 1st Mom and Dad for footing the bill (otherwise I wouldn’t be going) and 2nd to A. and C. for taking care of my house and dogs while I’m away. (Did you catch that all you bad people??? My house will NOT be left unattended for you to come thieve!)
Have a good one all! I’ll be back with a full report and a rested mind and body the 23rd.
Love ya,
Amy
P.S. – To Gym buddy: I miss you guys! We need to catch up!!! See you the 23rd??? I wanna know how your special Friday went. =D
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
So, what do you…
So what do you write about when you just can’t find anything good to write? Is this kinda like: don’t say anything if you don’t have anything good to say? Does the same slogan apply to blogs?
Does my little posy in the blogosphere really wanna hear how negative I am lately? How much I miss him? How pissed I am that I can’t ask him to grab me a roll of toilet paper when I’m sitting mid stream realizing the roll is bare? Sorry – T.M.I. I know, but think about it. Think about all the things you take for granted. You know you have done it… “Honey can you bring me some toilet paper?”
I suspect there are two contributing factors to my recent funk. 1) The new golf course gig (which I love and would not give up for anything - BTW). I find myself looking out the window and literally replaying events that occurred YEARS ago at that place in my head. Back when I had life by the balls. I just didn’t know it. 2) The fact that I put finding #2 on the backburner. Although I am glad I have. Letting go of that excitement makes my reality a little too clear. You know – like when you cannot talk your dog into fetching you toilet paper… That’s real. I miss him!
Anyway – V A C A T I O N!!!! 10 more days’ folks! I cannot think of a single vacation I needed more than this one. And luckily I’ve been on many, as I have the very best parents in the world who love to vacation and love me.
10 days until pure white sand and a blue sky like this…
Does my little posy in the blogosphere really wanna hear how negative I am lately? How much I miss him? How pissed I am that I can’t ask him to grab me a roll of toilet paper when I’m sitting mid stream realizing the roll is bare? Sorry – T.M.I. I know, but think about it. Think about all the things you take for granted. You know you have done it… “Honey can you bring me some toilet paper?”
I suspect there are two contributing factors to my recent funk. 1) The new golf course gig (which I love and would not give up for anything - BTW). I find myself looking out the window and literally replaying events that occurred YEARS ago at that place in my head. Back when I had life by the balls. I just didn’t know it. 2) The fact that I put finding #2 on the backburner. Although I am glad I have. Letting go of that excitement makes my reality a little too clear. You know – like when you cannot talk your dog into fetching you toilet paper… That’s real. I miss him!
Anyway – V A C A T I O N!!!! 10 more days’ folks! I cannot think of a single vacation I needed more than this one. And luckily I’ve been on many, as I have the very best parents in the world who love to vacation and love me.
10 days until pure white sand and a blue sky like this…
(From his last cancer free beach vacation)
Oh and this guy in conversation, memories and spirit…
Have a good day!
It would be nice if we’d get some rain ya know!?!
Love,
Amy
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Back to my "roots"...
Have you ever seen the movie French Kiss? Kate (played by Meg Ryan) is terrified of flying, but forced into doing so in a desperate attempt to chase after her fiancé, Charlie who has fallen for a beautiful French woman in Paris. Anyway, Kate boards the plane and attempts to mentally find her “happy place” as a coping mechanism to assist in concurring her fear. Kate finds her stone cottage. I find this…
With the cost of everything going up I decided I’d better find a second job to assist in my “gas and go-out” money as I call it. Naturally, the golf course was my first choice and luckily they were glad to have me back. You can find me there in the pro shop on Wednesday and Sunday evenings and I absolutely LOVE being there.
Last night as I was vacuuming up popcorn on the floor that the league had left behind it dawned on me. It hurts worse to go out and NOT find Mr. Perfect than it does not having someone to share my life with. I truly need to stop pressuring myself to find “that guy” and just be. I have amazing memories, great family members, great friends and great neighbors. It is freakin summer (almost) and I LOVE the outdoors. I refuse to let this get me down. I refuse to hurt when there is so much life out there to find fun in even if I’m rolling solo doing so. What is meant to be will be – right!?!
NO MORE SELF TORTURE!!!!
I now have my “happy place” back…
Time to HAVE FUN!!! ;)
Amy
Beautiful! As most of you know, David and I met and fell in love at the golf course. As a matter of fact, I stumbled onto this the other day. I cannot believe it still exists after all this time, but I’m grateful nonetheless…
This photo is from the day our relationship escalated to the “more than friends” level. 8/10/1998
We were located directly in front of the Turf Center at Lassing. And that memory is just one of literally THOUSANDS I cherish from there.
And now I’m back baby!!!.
With the cost of everything going up I decided I’d better find a second job to assist in my “gas and go-out” money as I call it. Naturally, the golf course was my first choice and luckily they were glad to have me back. You can find me there in the pro shop on Wednesday and Sunday evenings and I absolutely LOVE being there.
Last night as I was vacuuming up popcorn on the floor that the league had left behind it dawned on me. It hurts worse to go out and NOT find Mr. Perfect than it does not having someone to share my life with. I truly need to stop pressuring myself to find “that guy” and just be. I have amazing memories, great family members, great friends and great neighbors. It is freakin summer (almost) and I LOVE the outdoors. I refuse to let this get me down. I refuse to hurt when there is so much life out there to find fun in even if I’m rolling solo doing so. What is meant to be will be – right!?!
NO MORE SELF TORTURE!!!!
I now have my “happy place” back…
Time to HAVE FUN!!! ;)
Have a great weekend,
Amy
Monday, March 28, 2011
Amy - The Problem Solver...
It is no secret that I am anxious to meet someone to share my life with again. As a matter of fact, I find it hard to believe that I once (not too long ago) had myself convinced that I would remain happily single the rest of my life. It is just not possible (for me).
David’s mission statement was live life to the fullest finding fun in all we do… It is so awesome knowing that while facing the daily horrors we did, he and I still lived by that motto each and every day. I am so proud that we did not let David’s cancer win that battle. David had cancer, but cancer did not have him. And yet now living life to the fullest finding fun in all I do is ridiculously hard while alone. As I’ve said before, I am best as a team. Rolling solo isn’t doing me well. It just isn’t me.
During a brief moment of desperation last weekend I completed the online EHarmony registration. Although I later discovered that online dating ISN’T for me, I am grateful I completed the registration as it got me thinking. I’m in sales. I have been in some sort of sales for quite some time. One would think I’d have a pretty good handle on selling myself right!?! Not so much. Amy, what are three words that best describe you? Husbandless, Childless, Broke. Hummm…. Okay. Probably not the best descriptive words to use on an online dating profile. I had to dig deep. I love with all my heart. I give my all for what I’m passionate about and I am an excellent problem solver. The first two are great qualities in my opinion. I love quickly, whole heartily and faithfully. I put 110% effort into what means a lot to me. Great stuff, but unique? No. Not so much. That doesn’t make me all that special right?!? That problem solver gig... Now that is good stuff. I rock that quality big time. I’m not just talking about fixing a broken dishwasher. I’m talking about the big stuff. Let’s face it – I’ve been challenged with some pretty damn big stuff!!! That is when I’m on my A game. I don’t know if that is a big selling point, but I am who I am. I can get stuff done.
Now don’t get me wrong, I certainly DO NOT want to acquire someone else’s mega problems to solve. I think I deserve a break from that. I just simply need to be needed. I want to be the receiving end of someone’s most inner personal thoughts. I want someone who I can share my own with (beside my poor momma and sister who have been subjected to it all the last year). I want to be the first person someone dials when they have news they cannot wait to share. I want to prepare dinners, and set alarm clocks, and buy deodorant for someone special again. I want to have the challenge of balancing the families for the holidays. You get the idea. I need to be part of a team where I am relied on for love, for trust and for needs. I need to be needed more than in the way my dogs and my employer need me. I will never feel whole again until I find that, and I’d like to feel whole again so badly.
After all, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world… Right Babs!?! I love Babs!!!!
I watched Funny Girl yesterday just for this scene. What a great movie. LOVE the classics! Thank you momma for instilling in me the importance of classic music and movies. Maybe someday I will pass that on to my child?!? Talk about being needed!!! Maybe that is why my biological clock is beating louder and harder than ever?!? =D
Have a great week all.
With love,
Amy
David’s mission statement was live life to the fullest finding fun in all we do… It is so awesome knowing that while facing the daily horrors we did, he and I still lived by that motto each and every day. I am so proud that we did not let David’s cancer win that battle. David had cancer, but cancer did not have him. And yet now living life to the fullest finding fun in all I do is ridiculously hard while alone. As I’ve said before, I am best as a team. Rolling solo isn’t doing me well. It just isn’t me.
During a brief moment of desperation last weekend I completed the online EHarmony registration. Although I later discovered that online dating ISN’T for me, I am grateful I completed the registration as it got me thinking. I’m in sales. I have been in some sort of sales for quite some time. One would think I’d have a pretty good handle on selling myself right!?! Not so much. Amy, what are three words that best describe you? Husbandless, Childless, Broke. Hummm…. Okay. Probably not the best descriptive words to use on an online dating profile. I had to dig deep. I love with all my heart. I give my all for what I’m passionate about and I am an excellent problem solver. The first two are great qualities in my opinion. I love quickly, whole heartily and faithfully. I put 110% effort into what means a lot to me. Great stuff, but unique? No. Not so much. That doesn’t make me all that special right?!? That problem solver gig... Now that is good stuff. I rock that quality big time. I’m not just talking about fixing a broken dishwasher. I’m talking about the big stuff. Let’s face it – I’ve been challenged with some pretty damn big stuff!!! That is when I’m on my A game. I don’t know if that is a big selling point, but I am who I am. I can get stuff done.
Now don’t get me wrong, I certainly DO NOT want to acquire someone else’s mega problems to solve. I think I deserve a break from that. I just simply need to be needed. I want to be the receiving end of someone’s most inner personal thoughts. I want someone who I can share my own with (beside my poor momma and sister who have been subjected to it all the last year). I want to be the first person someone dials when they have news they cannot wait to share. I want to prepare dinners, and set alarm clocks, and buy deodorant for someone special again. I want to have the challenge of balancing the families for the holidays. You get the idea. I need to be part of a team where I am relied on for love, for trust and for needs. I need to be needed more than in the way my dogs and my employer need me. I will never feel whole again until I find that, and I’d like to feel whole again so badly.
After all, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world… Right Babs!?! I love Babs!!!!
I watched Funny Girl yesterday just for this scene. What a great movie. LOVE the classics! Thank you momma for instilling in me the importance of classic music and movies. Maybe someday I will pass that on to my child?!? Talk about being needed!!! Maybe that is why my biological clock is beating louder and harder than ever?!? =D
Have a great week all.
With love,
Amy
Sunday, March 20, 2011
"To Where You Are"~Josh Groban P.S. I Love You Video
Dear David,
Last night after yet another unsuccessful night of searching for my “William”, I pulled onto our street glancing down at our empty driveway. My reaction to noting your truck missing was “wonder where he’s at”. And when the cruel reality returned to mind as it always does I glanced down at my hands on YOUR steering wheel on YOUR ole’ Dodge (the money pit) and instead of sadness I felt comforted. I felt my hands with yours - your grip on that wheel along with mine. I didn’t need to pick up the phone to find support. I had it – in you. And for that I’m so grateful. For that and for so many other things…
Love,
-Amy-
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Happy St. Patrick's Day all!!!
In honor of St. Patrick’s day - My favorite Irishmen... Mr. Van Morrison performing the ORIGINAL Brown Eyed Girl!!!
Amy
Thursday, March 10, 2011
So here it is…
Wednesday, 3/10/2010
The single most difficult decision of my life…
Copied from David’s CaringBridge page:
Wednesday, March 10, 2010 8:55 AM, EST
3/10/2010
Hello everyone.
Just needed to let you know David had a terrible night. His confusion is back in full force and he does not even know me. We haven’t seen any doctors yet today so I’m not sure what is going on. All I know is that David would not want anyone to see him this way, so visitors at the moment probably isn’t a good thing. I hope and pray this changes soon. I’m getting a taste of what missing “him” feels like already and it is horrible. As soon as he snaps out of it I will let you all know.
Please continue to pray for the sound mind my prideful David deserves throughout the duration of his heroic life.
Thanks again.
Love,
Amy
Later that morning:
Wednesday, March 10, 2010 12:44 PM, EST
3/10/2010 (B)
Dr. Mannion was in. David is better “on paper” but his body isn’t responding to the improvements. Dr. Mannion recommended that I allow him to stop the IV antibiotics and to start reflecting on my memories of the good times. Not the words I expected to hear today. After all, just yesterday we spent the day laughing and thoroughly enjoying our time with his lovely visitors. He also told me that he knows David, and that he does not want to be here. He has never wanted to be in this hospital. Dr. Mannion (as usual) is right. Unfortunately he also said that David is in no condition to go home, and he is sad he could not provide David with that wish. He recommended a hospice consult and I agreed. David is resting peacefully but this is only achieved with medication. He is restless and disorientated without.
I will update as soon as there are any changes, and also with what is determined after the hospice consult.
Thank you for EVERYTHING.
With love,
Amy
Now – 365 days later I still find it difficult to type out the details from that day. But I want to.
There is a nurse on the cancer unit David and I knew beyond that hospital. Nurse M is a friend. A delightful woman who is beautiful on the inside and out. Ironically she was never assigned to David in the 3+ years he practically lived on that unit. Never until this day. And it was totally a God thing.
As you read above, David had a bad morning which came just after a GREAT day. Tuesday was spectacular! We laughed and talked and visited with amazing friends and family. By Wednesday morning it was evident Tuesday was the “calm before the storm” day.
Not knowing at the time if the David from Tuesday would return, I was reluctant to sign on immediately for stopping all the life preserving medications. I owed it to David to allow him to make this decision as it was he who fought harder and stronger than most would to beat this horrendous cancer. I couldn’t do it. Small amounts of calming and pain medication orders were written and administered as prescribed, but only enough medication to allow David to maintain a clear mind - enough to make decisions if he were to ever become responsive again.
By early afternoon it was evident that David was uncomfortable. I knew by glancing at the clock that it wasn’t time for more medication but I called for Nurse M anyhow. She agreed that he was obviously becoming more uncomfortable and her loving eyes said it all. I knew. I asked her if the reason Dr. Mannion had only prescribed mild amounts of medication was because of my hope that he would make the decision whether to continue fighting or to enter the Hospice program. She reluctantly but honestly replied yes. And still I was torn. Torn like never before and I pray never again.
What happened next is the one gesture I will be thankful for more than any.
I looked at my precious David and asked if he were ready to be healed. I asked him if he was ready to meet Jesus. I told him how proud I was of him and how hard he worked for us. Then I simply told him that I was OK. David did not respond. I looked at Nurse M who had tears in her eyes as well. We each looked at David again and I asked him to show me two fingers if he was ready to go to Heaven. And he did…
He was ready. I don’t know what I would have done without his approval. I could not make that decision without him. We were a team until the end and I couldn’t jump into the driver’s side for this decision. He saved me that day.
What an angel I have! How blessed am I!!! I am so grateful to have experienced that kind of selfless love.
So there you have it. David was comfortable from that moment on until meeting his Lord and Savior less than 48 hours later.
He lives on inside each of us that took the time to “get it” as he said all the time. And we will spend the anniversary of his healing together honoring that amazing mans memory.
I look forward to raising one of his beloved brown bottles in his name.
Have a great day all.
With love,
-Amy-
The single most difficult decision of my life…
Copied from David’s CaringBridge page:
Wednesday, March 10, 2010 8:55 AM, EST
3/10/2010
Hello everyone.
Just needed to let you know David had a terrible night. His confusion is back in full force and he does not even know me. We haven’t seen any doctors yet today so I’m not sure what is going on. All I know is that David would not want anyone to see him this way, so visitors at the moment probably isn’t a good thing. I hope and pray this changes soon. I’m getting a taste of what missing “him” feels like already and it is horrible. As soon as he snaps out of it I will let you all know.
Please continue to pray for the sound mind my prideful David deserves throughout the duration of his heroic life.
Thanks again.
Love,
Amy
Later that morning:
Wednesday, March 10, 2010 12:44 PM, EST
3/10/2010 (B)
Dr. Mannion was in. David is better “on paper” but his body isn’t responding to the improvements. Dr. Mannion recommended that I allow him to stop the IV antibiotics and to start reflecting on my memories of the good times. Not the words I expected to hear today. After all, just yesterday we spent the day laughing and thoroughly enjoying our time with his lovely visitors. He also told me that he knows David, and that he does not want to be here. He has never wanted to be in this hospital. Dr. Mannion (as usual) is right. Unfortunately he also said that David is in no condition to go home, and he is sad he could not provide David with that wish. He recommended a hospice consult and I agreed. David is resting peacefully but this is only achieved with medication. He is restless and disorientated without.
I will update as soon as there are any changes, and also with what is determined after the hospice consult.
Thank you for EVERYTHING.
With love,
Amy
Now – 365 days later I still find it difficult to type out the details from that day. But I want to.
There is a nurse on the cancer unit David and I knew beyond that hospital. Nurse M is a friend. A delightful woman who is beautiful on the inside and out. Ironically she was never assigned to David in the 3+ years he practically lived on that unit. Never until this day. And it was totally a God thing.
As you read above, David had a bad morning which came just after a GREAT day. Tuesday was spectacular! We laughed and talked and visited with amazing friends and family. By Wednesday morning it was evident Tuesday was the “calm before the storm” day.
Not knowing at the time if the David from Tuesday would return, I was reluctant to sign on immediately for stopping all the life preserving medications. I owed it to David to allow him to make this decision as it was he who fought harder and stronger than most would to beat this horrendous cancer. I couldn’t do it. Small amounts of calming and pain medication orders were written and administered as prescribed, but only enough medication to allow David to maintain a clear mind - enough to make decisions if he were to ever become responsive again.
By early afternoon it was evident that David was uncomfortable. I knew by glancing at the clock that it wasn’t time for more medication but I called for Nurse M anyhow. She agreed that he was obviously becoming more uncomfortable and her loving eyes said it all. I knew. I asked her if the reason Dr. Mannion had only prescribed mild amounts of medication was because of my hope that he would make the decision whether to continue fighting or to enter the Hospice program. She reluctantly but honestly replied yes. And still I was torn. Torn like never before and I pray never again.
What happened next is the one gesture I will be thankful for more than any.
I looked at my precious David and asked if he were ready to be healed. I asked him if he was ready to meet Jesus. I told him how proud I was of him and how hard he worked for us. Then I simply told him that I was OK. David did not respond. I looked at Nurse M who had tears in her eyes as well. We each looked at David again and I asked him to show me two fingers if he was ready to go to Heaven. And he did…
What an angel I have! How blessed am I!!! I am so grateful to have experienced that kind of selfless love.
So there you have it. David was comfortable from that moment on until meeting his Lord and Savior less than 48 hours later.
He lives on inside each of us that took the time to “get it” as he said all the time. And we will spend the anniversary of his healing together honoring that amazing mans memory.
I look forward to raising one of his beloved brown bottles in his name.
Have a great day all.
With love,
-Amy-
Monday, March 7, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Meat Head Alert (and a funny story to go along with it) =D
While at the gym last night I was suddenly taken back by a complete stranger (male) acknowledging me by my name. I was 110% certain I’d never met this guy and yet he knew MY name. I was dumbfounded and a bit alarmed, but my type A personality got me thru it. I spoke back and commenced with a little ‘small talk’ with he and his gym buddy. Throughout that conversation I learned that he had asked a gym employee for my name last week. Anyway, after sizing him up for a moment I realized he was harmless and fun to mess with. I like confident men but never a man that forward so I continued on with the conversation as it was simply taking my mind of the strain of the workout and making the time go faster. By the end of the workout I had learned that “Mr. Forward” was married with children anyway. Seriously! (Have I mentioned dating SUCKS?!?) Turns out “Mr. Forward’s” gym buddy is a single (divorced) dad who has been in the dating scene for a while now. So, while “Mr. Forward” got his tan on (no kidding) Mr. Gym Buddy and I talked. I have really been hoping to meet someone (a friend) who has done or is doing the “suddenly single at 30+” thing. Mr. Gym Buddy is quiet and polite and likes to work his way off the bench rather than come out swinging like his MARRIED friend. What a treat it was to open his shell and ask him questions about his experiences. He even offered advice of which MOST of it I will keep in mind. There are a couple things he did say that has bothered the hell out of me though… He insisted I needed a rebound relationship. He assured me my next relationship would fail. He even had statistics backing that up. He also said I’m probably going to have to eventually settle or I am going to end up 87 years old with a bunch of cats!?! I simply responded that I refuse to settle. I want the magic like I had the first time. It fell into my lap and I have to believe it can (and will) happen again. He then said – you better get to working on that rebound relationship. =) Too funny.
Oh – a couple of side notes:
1) “Mr. Gym Buddy” and I were still conversing when “Mr. Forward” came out of the tanning bed. You should have seen “Mr. Forward’s” face when he noticed we were STILL talking! He totally had the “are you messing with my girl” face on. What a slime ball! =)
2) When the long and drawn-out conversation was finally over, the gym head manager came up to me making sure I was OK, and offering to interrupt any conversation I’m uncomfortable with. He even gave me a “code word” so that he would know when to intervene. What a great guy! What a great manager!!! This gym thing is working out for me in more ways than I could ever imagine. And Dad, (now that I know you read this blog) doesn’t that make you happy knowing that the gym manager is looking after me too!?! =)
Have a good Tuesday Y’all!!!
-Amy-
Oh – a couple of side notes:
1) “Mr. Gym Buddy” and I were still conversing when “Mr. Forward” came out of the tanning bed. You should have seen “Mr. Forward’s” face when he noticed we were STILL talking! He totally had the “are you messing with my girl” face on. What a slime ball! =)
2) When the long and drawn-out conversation was finally over, the gym head manager came up to me making sure I was OK, and offering to interrupt any conversation I’m uncomfortable with. He even gave me a “code word” so that he would know when to intervene. What a great guy! What a great manager!!! This gym thing is working out for me in more ways than I could ever imagine. And Dad, (now that I know you read this blog) doesn’t that make you happy knowing that the gym manager is looking after me too!?! =)
Have a good Tuesday Y’all!!!
-Amy-
Friday, February 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Long long ago in a faraway place…
It’s fairytale time. Who didn’t love fairytales, right!?!
This past weekend (as ya’ll know) was Valentine’s Day weekend. I was blessed to be asked to share this weekend with my awesome parents. Momma Deb was willing to share Timbo with me and I enjoyed it! While enjoying dinner on Sunday we got to talking about weddings after I had noticed a ‘Save the Date’ card on their refrigerator. As some of you know, I LOVE weddings. I love planning weddings, going to weddings and being a part of weddings. So naturally this was a fun topic for me. Somehow or another we began talking about my NEXT wedding, and I joked it would be at the park under a picnic shelter seeing that the NEXT time would be on MY dime. And then Daddy Timbo smiled disagreeing. Momma Deb then said, well this is under totally different circumstances than the normal ‘second wedding’. Like I said – AMAZING parents. Anyway, obviously it was an all in good fun conversation as I am not even seeing anyone in particular. But let’s just say I enjoyed it.
Needless to say, this conversation sparked my imagination and I’ve found myself planning my NEXT wedding in my head. So – why not have some fun with it?!?
I’ll be wearing this gown that I wanted from the first time I saw it in 2004 (after my dress was already purchased).
I love anything that gives me HOPE…
Happy dreaming folks!
With love,
Amy
This past weekend (as ya’ll know) was Valentine’s Day weekend. I was blessed to be asked to share this weekend with my awesome parents. Momma Deb was willing to share Timbo with me and I enjoyed it! While enjoying dinner on Sunday we got to talking about weddings after I had noticed a ‘Save the Date’ card on their refrigerator. As some of you know, I LOVE weddings. I love planning weddings, going to weddings and being a part of weddings. So naturally this was a fun topic for me. Somehow or another we began talking about my NEXT wedding, and I joked it would be at the park under a picnic shelter seeing that the NEXT time would be on MY dime. And then Daddy Timbo smiled disagreeing. Momma Deb then said, well this is under totally different circumstances than the normal ‘second wedding’. Like I said – AMAZING parents. Anyway, obviously it was an all in good fun conversation as I am not even seeing anyone in particular. But let’s just say I enjoyed it.
Needless to say, this conversation sparked my imagination and I’ve found myself planning my NEXT wedding in my head. So – why not have some fun with it?!?
The location: Savannah, GA under a large Spanish Moss covered Live Oak like this…
I’ll be wearing this gown that I wanted from the first time I saw it in 2004 (after my dress was already purchased).
And we will dance to this song that I LOVE by the very talented Irish musician my mother introduced me to at a very young age. My favorite artist of all time. Mr. Van Morrison…
I love anything that gives me HOPE…
Happy dreaming folks!
With love,
Amy
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
A table for…
It is simplest the things that bother me the most… Very strange!!!
I LOVE to see my friends in love. Happy, healthy and completely head over heels in love. Doesn’t bother me in the least. I am so happy that they are happy. Not in the least jealous. I’m just grateful they get to share in that kind of love I was blessed to know all so well. It’s magic. It gives me hope.
I love love love going out these days. I am loving makeup again, fixing my fair and I’ve even brought out all my cheap costume jewelry to accessorize. I have time for ME again and I am using it to make ME feel better about ME again. Although I HATE the reasons behind the fact that I have all this ME time now, it is nice to feel good about myself after placing me on the backburner for so long. Going out isn’t the problem. One of my biggest “Suddenly Single at 30+” hang-ups is the 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel thing. Table for 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 SUCKS. I am better as a team. I miss my team. I need EVEN freaking numbers people.
Solution:
Goodbye…
Table for 1
Table for 2!!!
Don’t get too excited folks. I haven’t found my ‘teammate’ yet, but I am getting better at looking each and every day. =)
Lots of love,
-A-
I LOVE to see my friends in love. Happy, healthy and completely head over heels in love. Doesn’t bother me in the least. I am so happy that they are happy. Not in the least jealous. I’m just grateful they get to share in that kind of love I was blessed to know all so well. It’s magic. It gives me hope.
I love love love going out these days. I am loving makeup again, fixing my fair and I’ve even brought out all my cheap costume jewelry to accessorize. I have time for ME again and I am using it to make ME feel better about ME again. Although I HATE the reasons behind the fact that I have all this ME time now, it is nice to feel good about myself after placing me on the backburner for so long. Going out isn’t the problem. One of my biggest “Suddenly Single at 30+” hang-ups is the 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel thing. Table for 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 SUCKS. I am better as a team. I miss my team. I need EVEN freaking numbers people.
Solution:
Goodbye…
Table for 1
Table for 3
Table for 5
Hello…
Table for 2!!!
Don’t get too excited folks. I haven’t found my ‘teammate’ yet, but I am getting better at looking each and every day. =)
Lots of love,
-A-
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