Driving it home...

Hey guys! Happy Hump day!!!

I’m straying away from my typical post today and “driving home” a message near and dear to my heart.

Friday is the final day to get registered for The David Dearinger Memorial, Swinging for Sarcoma Charity Golf Outing. Note: Late registrations will be accepted however your gift bag may not include the same items as the participants who registered by July 1st.

2009 was the first year this event was held. This was David’s “baby”. He loved golf, he loved Boone Links and above all he loved helping people. He hated sarcoma and the life it stole from him. But what he hated even more is the life it stole from others. And this is true. I haven’t kept David’s selflessness a secret on this blog so I’m sure that comes as no shock to you. That year we had 144 golfers and 22 more join us for dinner. We used almost every golf cart the course owned and literally drank them out of beer. We were a large united front all there for David ensuring that he mark his giant footprint into the path leading to a cure for sarcoma.

Last year was a lot different. I was sad and uninspired. Although I am grateful we held the event in 2010, I did little to see it be the success David dreamed for. Last year we had just 44 participants. And to those 44 --- THANK YOU! Almost every one of you is returning for 2011 and that is WONDERFUL!!! I promise to those returning that you will be pleased with the improvements.

With that said, my inspiration is back. Let’s do this friends!!! I guess I am begging for your support. For Dave – begging is certainly not beneath me. To this day there isn’t anything I won’t do for him.

This year we already have several more golfers than in 2010. (A BIG thank you to those who have already registered!) Not to mention – this year is truly the best year yet thanks to the AMAZING Josh Davis and Steve Cooper. The golf entry fee is same as last year. $90.00 includes a $25.00 donation to The Liddy Shriver Sarcoma Initiative, 18 holes of golf, golf cart, lunch, dinner, beverages (including draft beer), gift bag, door prizes, Sarcoma Knows No Borders bracelet, a chance at $10,000 hole-in- one prize, and a whole lot more! Talk about getting a big bang for your buck!

Just in case you need a little reassurance…

* 18 hole of golf + a cart at Boone Links is $40.00
* Estimated lunch, dinner and drinks (including draft beer) is $25.00
* Your charitable (tax deductible) donation to The Liddy Shriver Sarcoma Initiative = $25.00

That is a full days worth of fun – food – beverages and a good deed folks all for $90.00!

If golf isn’t your thing but you would like to join in the after scramble festivities you are welcome to do so. Dinner and beverage only registrations are available for just $25.00.

Golfers have an opportunity to win $10,000 at the hole-in-one competition and everyone can purchase a raffle ticket (1 ticket for $5 or 3 tickets for $10) to win a 42” Class 1080P LCD HD TV worth $699.00 and much much more! I don’t want to spoil all the surprises. =D

With that said, please get registered today!

Registrations can be completed online at (this link) or you may click (this link) to print off, complete and mail in your registration.

Thank YOU for your consideration and helping me live out David’s dream of a sarcoma free world in his memory.

With hope,

Amy

What I miss…

What I miss about being in love with my best friend:

Before I jump right into this I want to first state that I will ALWAYS be in love with David. Always. I believe that is the most challenging part about moving on with another potential love. It is a lot to ask someone to accept that I never fell out of love with my first husband and that he will always “own” a part of my heart. It would take a very strong, confident, compassionate and loving guy to accept that. And let’s face it… at 32 – MOST (I pray not all) of those guys are happily settled down in a wonderful relationship.

So here I am. Alone.

And being alone can easily turn to misery for a girl like me. I have the BEST friends and family in the world. Truly remarkable! But I need more.

David and I were BEST friends who happened to be 110% compatible intimately. And this my friends was by far the GREATEST combination.

And I miss that…

So so much!

I miss never being self-conscious because I knew I had someone at home that loved me no matter what. I could have had bed head, no makeup on, dark circles under the eyes and cellulite and he LOVED me that way. He loved me all fancied up and cute and he also loved me all Kim Kardashian ugly cry faced (oh yeah – I have one of those U-G-L-Y cry faces). That kind of unconditional love and adoration is about the best feeling in the world to have. I am SO grateful to have had that for 13 fantastic years.

The idea of wearing uncomfortable, sexy underwear and reapplying makeup frequently makes me cringe. Don’t get me wrong – feeling good about my appearance is important to me now that I have time for such things. But being reliant on that is horrible. I don’t want someone to love me because my makeup is just perfect, my boobs perky and my love handles are gone. I want someone to admire me the way David did. To care more about what is on the inside of me rather than the outside and yet be proud of who I am both inside and out.

Seriously --- I realize beggars cannot be choosy and pickins’ are slim. Not to mention my “package” is far from perfect that I’m offering. It’s just that I have come from an immensely great relationship and settling for less than that isn’t an option. Not if I want to be wholly happy and available to offer myself completely as I did with David. There is just no room for self-consciousness. None whatsoever.

So in a nutshell --- my daily wearing of the thong underwear is LONG over with and I'd love for someone special to be just as comfortable with me as I am (or more so even such as the case was with Dave). Yeah – he was THAT great!

If I had to pick one thing I miss most about myself after losing David it would have to be confidence. He made me feel like a rock star. I was his trophy wife in granny panties and all. ;) I pray someday I feel that special again… (Sooner rather than later would be preferred) =D

So – what do you miss most about a better time of your life?

I’m hoping you cannot think of a single thing friend, but if you can --- I encourage you to do all you can to get back to that point. Have hope. I do.

Love ya’s,
-A-

Hall of Fame/Hall of Shame

Hello all.

Welcome welcome weekend! Is it just me or has this been the longest short week ever!?!

This post is inspired by one of the most amazing sarcoma patients I have ever “known”.

Because the unfortunate fact is that EVERYONE will somehow in some way at sometime be affected by cancer --- this article by Jennifer Goodman Lynn is a MUST read. I cannot wait for her book to be released!

So, here is my chance to make note of David and my hall of fame “I know you mean well but…” stories.

Fortunately this is something David and I talked/joked about all the time. He would classify people in two ways. Those who “get it” and those who just DON’T.

Being his voice, here is what he would list as his top “I know you mean well but…” story…

August 2009 – While at a family get-together celebrating a birthday (not his) a certain someone that shares his same D.D. initials looks at him after he had been receiving chemo for just over a month and thoughtlessly and carelessly asks him if he had just got a haircut after noticing his then bald head. God’s honest – swear on a bible truth. I was dumbfounded and appalled and therefore have no recollection of what his response was. I do however remember exactly how this made him feel as that was the discussion on the ride home that afternoon. Needless to say, the phrase, “It’s pretty obvious how little my illness and wellbeing runs through her mind” were used. And there I was for the millionth time serving as his live-in Band-Aid patching up that completely unnecessary wound.

But on a MUCH lighter note: The very best story which was shared already in his CaringBridge journal but I will share it once again here…

March 4, 2010 (8 days before his death) --- Thursday is an unusual day for us to be at Dr. Mannion’s office. Thursday is Dr. M’s day to work at the Hyde Park, Ohio office. We were only there because David needed treatment of his severe dehydration. SO – we met new people. There was a “mid-forty’s” I’d say couple, and the husband battles Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He was very friendly and extremely saddened to hear of David’s 3 year struggles, and even more so – the prognosis. David was done with his fluids before this gentleman was done with his chemotherapy. As we were leaving, I went to the other side of the room to get David’s walker. You see, today was the first day David used his walker in public. He’s rocked his pimp cane, but the walker was just too much for him. Today, without a choice – he swallowed his pride. I guess the wife could read David’s humiliation all over his face. She looked up at him from her supportive seat next to her husband and said “everyone needs an iron horse to lean on now and again.” I don’t even know what her name is, but that women made my day, and I’m sure his as well. She falls into the “get it” category David talks about all the time. To that woman from today – God bless you! I bet David will never again have that same look of humiliation on his face while reaching out for his “iron horse.” I have you to thank for that! THANK YOU!

I still get tears in my eyes thinking of that precious moment. Yes my love – She “get’s it”…

As for me – here is my top “I know you mean well but…” story.

The week of March 22nd, 2010 (my first week back to work after David’s death) --- An old colleague paid me a visit to check on me. We talked briefly about Dave’s life, his hard-fought battle, and the tragedy of his death. What came next will be something I will never forget. He looked at me and said, “Aim, don’t shut yourself off from another love. You are young and you need to get back out there.” Although what he said was factual (as I now see) his timing could not be more inappropriate. I literally wanted to poke his eyes out at that moment!!!

As for my best moment… (Grab a tissue)

Tuesday evening March 9th, 2010 (the calm before the storm day) --- My Dad pulls up at the front entrance of the hospital after taking care of my dogs and rooting thru my underwear drawer (which we all know he HATED doing) while packing me a bag. By this time it was evident my stay at the hospital was unfortunately going to last the duration of David’s life. I then go out to meet him as David had a very busy day full of visitors, stories and laughter. He was exhausted and sleeping soundly so Dad didn’t come up. Dad got out of his truck acting noticeably different. He was full of supportive looks and gestures but my dad being his quiet self couldn’t find the words to say what was on his mind. All he could manage to say was, “do you know the Sugarland song called “Fall into me”? I didn’t. He then said that he wanted me to listen to it and remember I don’t have to do this all alone. He was there.

There are very few things in this world that I enjoy more than music, so that day there wasn’t anything better Daddy Timbo could say.

So for all my friends and family --- You are not alone in your struggles either, fall into me…

Have a great weekend all,

With love,

Amy