Hello friends and loved ones. Sorry I haven’t written in a while. While at work I’m trying to solely focus on work, and when I’ve been home let’s just say I’ve been BUSY!
So, what has happened since my last posting???
THIS…
What you see above is one wonderful man’s life laid out in piles and piles and piles inside our garage. Going through his things was by far the hardest task yet. But it had to be done. He would want me to give his clothing to those who could use it, and this is what I did – reluctantly. I called up all his friends similar in size and here they came. It was MUCH easier on me than I expected. Even when I saw one of his shirts being warn the very next day I was strangely fine. If anything – honored to see it warn on such a well deserving friend. Jeremy – you sport the “Lawn Rocket” t-shirt well. =)
Anyway, I’ve been told that many people read my blogs and find inspiration from them. Wow. Me!?! This is a bit scary. Nonetheless, if this is true then it is my responsibility to be 100% honest in my entries. My new found vigor did not come from mere time, or strength from within. You see, David wasn’t the only prideful person in our marriage. I myself have a touch of pride as well. Time to swallow it and get honest.
Not long ago I wasn’t doing well at all. I am sure that is the complete opposite from the response you received from me when you asked that famous question, “How are you doing?” Truth is, with each waking day I only got worse. It was bad. So, with the recommendation from Dr. Mannion’s P.A. Tahnya, I went to see my doctor. Apparently I now suffer from PTSD on top of my extreme grief. I thought PTSD was something only soldiers got. Who knew!?! Needless to say, I needed help and I find that help each week in therapy. Yes, strong Amy goes to a great psychologist every single Tuesday. As private of a matter this is to me, I’m not ashamed to share it with the world. The feeling of David’s loss is so profound. As his adoring wife, I should be altered. I should be broken, and at times lost. But also as his adoring wife, I should take care of me as this is what he would want me to do. So, if anyone reads this that could use a little help, but like me is too prideful to seek it – trust me, it is worth it. I go for an hour a week, and I get to talk about how wonderful my husband was. How much I miss him. How disappointed I am in God for cutting his life too short. How disappointed I am in the important people in his life who never treated him how he deserved or embraced the love he had to give. Then at the end of the session I get to talk about me and with the help of Dr. P figure out just who ME now is. For the first time in 13 years I am learning how to be just Amy instead of Dave and Amy. It isn’t easy by any stretch of the word but I’ve made progress.
My “homework” is to make my house more my own. By this I mean, rearrange furniture, paint, and hang new pictures. I’m fully engaging myself into transitioning “our home” into “my home.” It’s a big project, but rewarding nonetheless. Friday I even get the new carpet David always wanted. I know this will make him very happy. Sending a huge thank you to Kim for treating me so well, and allowing me the ability to afford such a new luxury.
Stay tuned for photos of the newly updated version of “my place.”
Take care all. I look forward to celebrating David’s life with a lot of you at his memorial golf outing on Saturday! Oh – the deadline to register is THIS Thursday the 15th at noon. Just send me an email, text or phone call if you want to join us. TurfGirl97@aol.com or 859.743.8122.
With love,
Amy
