Living beyond paradise…: Let’s talk triggers…

8/30/2010

Let’s talk triggers…

What triggers do you have? I can hear you thinking right now – What the hell is she talking about, triggers?

What triggers your mind to drift off to good/bad memories?

Last Monday I had dinner with my bestest 70+ year old buddy Russell. It was a good time as usual. Then it came time to pay and we of course battled for the check as usual. He reached for his wallet as I did mine. I manage to pay for the tip as he picks up the meal… In other words, I lost! Anyway, I couldn’t help but notice that Russell’s wallet had seen better days, and me being outspoken me tell him as much. He replies (as he proceeds to show me) that it “fits just right”. He’s referring to the shape as it hugs his but cheek just perfect. =) I laugh along with him as I’m now 100% sold on the fact that a good ole wallet is much better than a stiff one any day – on your rump that is.

What I do next is what leads me to this posting…

I then reach into my “David pocket” of my purse. You see the center of my purse has a zipper compartment. In this compartment are my David items. I keep them there. I like them there. Judge me if you wish. They aren’t going anywhere. I like these items just where they are and they will stay there – thank you. Anyway, David’s wallet is in that pocket. I suddenly couldn’t help but to look to see if David’s wallet had the comfortable buttocks curve as Russell’s did. The answer NOPE. Why? Because David had NO ass. None. Notice the picture below. Yes, that is him. No ass and all. He does however have awesome hair and super cool shoes on in this picture (racing Pumas). We were even at Elliott Sadler’s house here and David could not wait to go check out his hunting dogs – of course).

Anyway, for those of you who don’t know – Russell lost his wife to cancer 366 days before I lost David. Yes, they died one year and one day apart. They both battled a long long time. Russell and David became very close during the last year of David’s life and for this I am very grateful. I am however more grateful that I had Russell to prepare me for what I was “in for”. He would explain that he would tell me everything he knew about the death and dying of a spouse but that I wouldn’t understand it until (if) it happened to me. But what he did tell me – let me just say, he was dead on and I will never be able to repay him for his wisdom. He was also dead on about needing to live the experience to understand it. There just aren’t words to explain what it is like to whiteness what he and I did. God is amazing and He knows just when to place certain people in your life. I’m still pissed at Him, but He is good – without a doubt.

Back on track… The wallet… When Russell seen that he had a FIT! “What are you doing carrying that around? No wonder you are sad all the damn time.” You have got to put these things away someplace special so they aren’t in your face all the time.” Let me just tell you, Russell is the ONLY one who can speak to me this way. Trust me – don’t try it. Is he right – maybe? The wallet stays! The wallet is a trigger. For me – a good one. I have SO many good ones. I’ve also gotten pretty good at getting rid of the bad ones. Like my house. MANY people thought that I’d move out. Some for financial purposes alone (just made my 6th payment by myself thank you very much) and some for emotional purposes. But that house contains so many AMAZING memories. I’m staying! With my master bathroom door shut that is. I can’t do it. I have this one memory from in that room when I had looked in at what used to be a strong healthy young man with big muscles and great color to a seeing a pale, bald, and thin man with no muscles and droopy thin skin trying so hard to keep enough strength up to finish brushing his teeth. This was the day it hit me – he wasn’t going to get better. I was right. I can’t even look at that sink anymore – so I don’t. I have two other toilets in that house and it is just me. You do the math. There aint’ a damn thing wrong with that.

So I ask again. What are your triggers?

Here are some of my favorite good “David triggers”…

Tulip Poplar Leaves