Friends

One of David's Favorite Songs...

8/26/2010

Have you ever had something that weighs so heavy on your mind and in your heart you just cannot let it go no matter what you do? David is that “something” for me. Some days he is so heavy I feel as if I’m suffocating, and some days (the good days) I feel his strength helping me carry him right along with me. Usually those thoughts are pretty selfish ones. I say that because they are memories of just the two of us. The things we did, places we’ve gone, discussions we had. But lately, those thoughts have included a lot of folks. Our friends... We are so blessed with amazing friends. What is so great about those memories is that most of them are from before cancer took over our lives. Back when I wasn’t the caregiver. I was the wife in every sense of the word then. I’ve been missing being the “wife” for much more than 24 weeks, and unless you have walked in my shoes there isn’t any way you can fully understand what I mean by that. Be very grateful for that ladies.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the softball games, lake trips, Gatlinburg trips, cookouts, camping trips (and NO I still don’t want no F-ing pork chops). =) God did we have some good times with amazing friends. Strangely enough, thinking about those times doesn’t make me sad at all. Thinking about David not getting to experience those fun events anymore does however. A lot! But nonetheless, I am SO grateful he had those moments. I suspect that those events – those fun moments – those great friends are a big part in what kept him here with me fighting so hard – maybe for just one more Cumberland trip or to see if he could manage to catch a creek on fire for a second time (now that is a classic – thanks for reminding me of that Jason)! Anyway, all I want to do now is pick up the phone and thank each and every one of those friends for that.

Someone once told me that most couples live a lifetime together and never experience the fun, the joy, the laughter and most importantly – the love that David and me did in our all too short 12 years together. I heard that comment, I retained it, but it wasn’t until now that I truly believed it. It took me setting aside my selfish thoughts of just us and reflecting on our life experiences with our friends - the times BEFORE cancer to believe it. I suddenly feel less cheated. I feel lucky. Wow. I went from self pity to feeling lucky!?! Shew – my head should be spinning from that 360!!!

So, what is your favorite David story? I'd LOVE to know!!!

With love,

Amy