Confession...

I watch too much TV.

It’s true. I do. I confess. I have let television become my life. It is what I look forward to. It is what I can afford. Not trying to poor mouth here or make excuses for this obsession. It is just who I have become and the life I’ve been thrown into. I’m house poor and proud. Because I have a house… And I pray I can keep it that way… It’s a big prayer.

Anyway…

Here is a story for you.

David’s best friend SC has encouraged me to watch the movie P.S. I Love You for a while now. He knew I would get something beneficial from it but never told me what.

So here is my P.S. I Love You story.

One sappy night I was watching the House M.D. marathon on TV. I love the show House but it was David and my show. For the longest time since his passing I could not watch it because it made the loneliness more severe. With time, it got harder and harder to change the channel and before I knew it I was watching House again. So, this night after finishing the 3rd or 4th hour the next episode came on. It was the ONE episode that David and I always DIDN’T watch because it was ALWAYS on and we’d both seen it a million and 2 times. So naturally, I picked up the remote and moved on. Just a few channels up I see the beginning of this movie I’d never seen before with Gerald Butler in it. Here comes confession #2. This 31 year old widow’s hormones are in OVERDRIVE and it would take A LOT to get these green eyes to look away from Mr. Gerald Butler. So – I was glued. In the 1989 New Kids on the Block kinda way. See – I told you, HORMONES.

A few minutes into it I hit the INFO button on the remote. Up comes the movie title. P.S. I Love You. CRAP!!! Did I really want to watch this movie? And if I did – did I really want to see Gerald Butler die??? But again – HORMONES. I was glued. I watched in a self torturous way. Scene by scene. Moment by moment. Tears upon tears (yes I admit it). Relating 110% all the way thru. Did I really need to relive that horror? Did I need to see that in someone else’s perspective? Hell no. Or so I thought. Until this… This last scene. This scene makes it all worthwhile. Less than 4 minutes that changes everything. His name is William (in the movie) and William gives me hope. The hope for William brings me back from the dead too just as it did Holly.

(Click HERE to view scene)

Recap:

· David’s best friend SC encouraged me to watch this movie but I was too cowardly.
· David’s favorite show was on all day and at the very time the one episode came on he knew I would not watch P.S. I love you was beginning just a few channels up on the remote.
· I watched the movie only because of Gerald Butler who David knew I thought was gorgeous because I told him so every time we watched The Ugly Truth (which was a lot because D loved that movie).

Yep, I have a pretty amazing guardian angel. My life has become television and he used TV to bring me back to life. And I won’t believe anything but.

Side note:

For you Grey’s Anatomy watchers out there… Dave and I always joked that when he left this world he’d come back to be my “Denny”. I had to smile when I noticed William’s character in P.S. I Love You was played by the same actor (Jeffery Dean Morgan) as Denny’s in Grey’s. Icing on the cake – you know!?!

OK, I’m done playing crazy for the day.

Gotta prepare myself for Castle tonight. =)

Love ya,

-A-