Reflections...

6/18/2010


Hello guys,


I hope this has been a great week.


I’m gearing up for the big Goettafest tonight in Covington with my little sister. That should be fun =).


Friends, I have one quick request and then I will move on… I plead with you not to take this harshly. PLEASE do not remind me that I am young and that chances are I will find someone special to spend the remainder of my life with. Also, PLEASE don’t tell me that you know Dave would want me to find someone new. There are literally 4 people (myself included) who “knew” Dave. So few people truly did. He was a very closed off person. Extremely. If he let you in, you are very very special. Consider yourself privileged as I do very much. Anyway… Dave and I talked about everything, but one thing he could NOT talk about was what his wishes were for me once he passed. He did not want to talk about that. He did not want to think about leaving this earth without me, nor did I want to consider continuing on this earth without him. We had hopes, dreams and goals that we were so anxious to live out. Cancer killed those, and thinking about developing new hopes, dreams and goals with someone new makes me want to vomit. I swear the next person who even begins to say such a thing may very well be puked all over. So again, out of respect for David – he fought so hard to live, let’s not think about his replacement so soon. I surely AM NOT, so save your breath. I do however appreciate your concern. Truthfully I do. David would want me happy and that is what I strive for each and every day. Just trust in that. His motto: Live life each day to the fullest finding fun in everything we do.


For fear of being too repetitive, I will not be posting about what I’m feeling these days. You see, not a lot has changed in that department and I suspect it won’t for a LONG time. With that said, how about memories? I like the idea of sharing memories. I know I will never forget David. I do however fear that some of these amazing memories will become less vivid over the years, and that idea makes me cringe. So here goes…


Wednesday 29th August, 2007 – Ann Arbor, MI (David’s most hated place in the country - GO BUCKS!)


This was the day David and I traveled to The University of Michigan hospital to see Scott M. Schuetze, M.D., Ph.D. AKA – Dr. Shitty. This sarcoma specialist (or so he called himself) told us a lot of things during this first AND ONLY visit. This was our take home message… David was going to die. Don’t have kids. He would not live 18 months. Nothing but statistics and NO HOPE. NONE. Needless to say, that trip was horrible! The ride home – torture.


David had to return to U of M on Wednesday September 12th, 2007 for a procedure to confirm Dr. “Shitty’s” assumption that David had more sarcoma in his left lung (what was left of the left lung that is). The trip was planned, reservations made and we were set. EXCEPT this time ole’ Timbo (my Daddy - Timbo was what Dave called him) was NOT going to let us go alone. So off the three of us went. We got there a day in advance because David’s procedure was very early that Wednesday. That morning we got up in the hotel room and traveled the short distance to the hospital. David had one of the most amazing doctors performing the procedure on him. He briefed us on what was about to happen and asked us about the history of David’s illness. Mouthy me HAD to tell him about our Dr. Shitty experience from just a few weeks prior. This doctor, Douglas A. Arenberg, M.D. was appalled. He was apologetic about our experience and was much more optimistic about what he would find in David’s lung. He put the wind back in our sails even before the biopsy was performed. After the procedure Dad and I were called into the consultation room, where Dr. Arenberg shared the BEST news possible. The area in concern from the PET scan was benign and David was (at the time) cancer free! We were elated!!!! My emotions at that moment are indescribable. FINALLY we were able to see David. He was still a bit affected by the anesthesia and was unaware of what the biopsy had shown. I will NEVER forget the look on David’s eyes when he was told it was not more cancer. What happened next still brings tears to my eyes, and chills to my skin when I think about it. I remember so vividly looking over to my daddy as he was looking over a very happy David, and seeing huge tears of joy in ole’ Timbo’s eyes. This was a sight I had rarely seen in my then 28 years. I was so affected by those tears. It was that very moment when I knew my daddy loved my husband just as much as he loved me. What an honor it is to have two men so wonderful in my life. All I could think about is that David was going to live and I can continue sharing him with dad and my other amazing family members for a long long time.


We all know how the story changed that October, but what never changed was that love for David. I am still just as blessed to be loved by two amazing men, and that love will live on forever. Today - just two days prior to Father’s Day I celebrate them both. To the great man and father, Timbo and to another great man who would have also been an amazing father, David.


Daddy – here is our song
David – here is our song


Happy Fathers Day to all you other amazing men out there.


Until the next memory…


With love,


Amy